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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 09-25-2007, 05:44 PM   #1
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Fools Gold And Wine

A poem very much filled with anger at the slight revelation that someone is an almighty liar. There are vague referneces that are personal. If you're bored and want to know more PM me.
~eric.
---------------------------------
Morning dawns;
a new sun bathes the gray, ashland.

Life bursts as it dawns;
everything becoming clear.
The familiar is gone and a new sense of truth, unfelt and unknown sets in.

I realise now what a master of the unimaginable you were;
beguiling me with fools gold and wine.
Yet it's to late; the sun is up and it has come crashing down on your flamboyance.

Your complex creation choked by your own creative carelessness.
---------------------------------
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Last edited by RickySideburns : 09-26-2007 at 02:02 AM.
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Old 09-25-2007, 05:55 PM   #2
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Wow, great metaphor for an awakening, a realization, a reveal. I really think this is well done. I like it. Good writing.
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Old 09-25-2007, 05:57 PM   #3
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I liked the fools gold and wine bit and the first stanza. The rest was a little too vague or lacking in the visual department, IMO. I'm about 50/50 on this one.
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Old 09-25-2007, 07:27 PM   #4
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I'm at about 75% likeage here... it had some cliches, but the title line was worked in nicely. It's a little vague, too.
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Old 09-25-2007, 09:21 PM   #5
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I absolutely love the second stanza. I'd love to see it (and the others) included in something with a few more details that would tell more of the story.
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Old 09-25-2007, 09:27 PM   #6
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I also loved the same lines as Eiji. Good work.
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