abecfive

The best thing for me
was the time I pulled the cover over my head,
Ignored you 'til you left.
I'm better now that you hate me.

When you knew you could play me,
everything wasn't my own choice.
Always waiting for strange scenarios
involving you and your ways.

Now that I run my own life
I make my own plans,
I don't wait on people like you.
Go wrap someone else around your finger.

I haven't given up, I've just started trying.
The look on your face now is all I need
to lead myself away from the things you do
and the holes you put people in.

Never again
will I become so played.
I will always remember
the things you did,

and the ways you treated
the ones who loved you.
You put the first amount of hate
in my eyes.

Now I stack you with the rest
you have labeled yourself a true traitor.
You have tainted the labels of all the others,
and now I read closer than ever before.

Eiji Tunsinagi

Hmmmm. I'd call this vague, but it wasn't really - I knew exactly what it was about: Maybe too well. I think it needed more imagery, because I like putting a face with names (a picture with words) but this was OK. I question if it was cliche or not, but something tells me it wasn't.

to lead myself away from the things you do

I think in this line, the the would make the rest of the stanza flow better, in my opinion.

I liked it quite alright, I suppose. Even if I can't really relate. You probably need a comment from someone who can relate personally.

__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

testinglimits

Enjoyed this, showed the struggle and strength with determination it took. I imagine if this followed a true scenerio, and i'm sure it did, for you or someone else, that it was a great release after the last word was penned.

Liked the whole thing, wouldn't change a word

TL

abecfive

Wow! Quick response! Thank you for the comments. I see what you mean about the 'the' Eiji. It does seem as though it stumbles there a little.

Yes, this would be from actual experience. A bad relationship that went horrible. It was like I had enough from the beginning and had to take drastic measures once I woke up to what was really going on.

TL- This is one of the few things that I actually remember writing at the time I was writing it. This is pretty much unedited from the original notebook, I corrected spelling and split one stanza into two. The thing is I remember writing quickly, not thinking about it and once it was finished it was over and I went to sleep peacefully. I didn't think about it for several days, when I opened up the notebook and read it again. It was very "raw" to me, and it made me feel better too.

Eiji Tunsinagi

The best way to write poems.

__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"