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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
09-06-2007, 05:55 PM
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#1
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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The Winter House
Danke
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
Last edited by Eiji Tunsinagi : 09-08-2007 at 10:41 AM.
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09-06-2007, 06:13 PM
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#2
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 279
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I'm still getting my way around prose and free style but I enjoyed the pace of this piece. held the imagery tight, smooth flowly.
TL
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09-06-2007, 06:15 PM
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#3
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,992
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I think that this is among the best that I've read of yours. Great imagery paints a vivid picture.
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09-06-2007, 06:27 PM
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#4
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I think that this is among the best that I've read of yours. Great imagery paints a vivid picture.
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Thanks - in particular Baron, for whom I greatly respect. You would consider this prose, Testing? (it was) but I tried to de-prose it (tried to make it read like a "normal" poem)
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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09-06-2007, 06:31 PM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,992
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi
Thanks - in particular Baron, for whom I greatly respect. You would consider this prose, Testing? (it was) but I tried to de-prose it (tried to make it read like a "normal" poem)
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It has a much more poetic flow than a lot of your posts. |
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09-06-2007, 06:47 PM
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#6
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
It has a much more poetic flow than a lot of your posts.
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Danke. I'll study it.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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09-06-2007, 07:00 PM
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#7
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 23
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This is so engaging and interesting. I can picture these people with limited information about them and I really like the last line. You might be able to replace the second Freddy with just 'he.' I'm not sure the repetition serves you well there...nice piece.
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09-06-2007, 07:03 PM
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#8
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dylanfanatic
This is so engaging and interesting. I can picture these people with limited information about them and I really like the last line. You might be able to replace the second Freddy with just 'he.' I'm not sure the repetition serves you well there...nice piece.
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Thank you! I think I will change that, after rereading it.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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09-07-2007, 09:43 AM
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#9
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 105
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A very nice poem! It kept me engrossed and interested. It was also very real in its imagery.
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09-07-2007, 11:51 AM
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#10
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Thanks Vortex and all - I think I'm really getting quite close to honing my style. I used to just write really ironic stuff that insulted people and confused them, but I prefer what I'm doing now. Dig?
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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09-07-2007, 12:54 PM
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#11
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,241
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Read this slowly people.
This is one of those pieces that carry the reader beyond the words into the images, then beyond the images into the mood.
Really nice work ET. I really like your new style.
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
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09-07-2007, 01:16 PM
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#12
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vangoghsear
Read this slowly people.
This is one of those pieces that carry the reader beyond the words into the images, then beyond the images into the mood.
Really nice work ET. I really like your new style.
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Thanks man! You got it exactly. I enjoy dealing with images and moods. Feeling depressed can be beautiful sometimes!
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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