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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
09-06-2007, 05:27 PM
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#1
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Understanding, Like a Wraith
removed for publishing reasons
Last edited by Baron : 10-17-2007 at 06:22 AM.
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09-06-2007, 06:00 PM
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#2
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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I read it once - then again - and again. I liked it every time. You really verify what dreams are all about.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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09-06-2007, 06:06 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 279
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I'm probably so far off base. I thought this was about an understanding between two people. The un-need of asking questions or talking needlessly. Just satisfied by silence at times, enjoyment together. I do see the dream idea and I nodded my head to that.
well done
TL
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09-06-2007, 06:17 PM
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#4
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi
I read it once - then again - and again. I liked it every time. You really verify what dreams are all about.
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Thanks for the comment  |
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09-06-2007, 06:26 PM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Quote:
Originally Posted by testinglimits
I'm probably so far off base. I thought this was about an understanding between two people. The un-need of asking questions or talking needlessly. Just satisfied by silence at times, enjoyment together. I do see the dream idea and I nodded my head to that.
well done
TL
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I appreciate the comment and give nothing away about the interpretation.   |
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09-06-2007, 08:46 PM
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#6
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Goomalling, Western Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 932
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
Understanding, Like a Wraith
Understanding, like a wraith
stealing through my night
to enter dreams,
sneak away with the light,
leaving, it seems,
just a residue of faith.
In myopia is escape
from questions and thoughts
I cannot speak.
No answers are sought
to end mystique,
no theories need take shape…
safe in the cocoon of a dream.
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well, Baron, as far as I can tell*,
the rhyme scheme experiment - (123231) - works very well ...
as does the idea; the imagery is clear in presentation ...
so, I pick this nit with hesitation:
do you need to pluralise in the second stanza?
I think the singular would work better
question/thought/answer/theory
for rhyme and flow ...
* what I don't know could fill libraries ...
__________________
"I don't know ... I'm making it up as I go ..." - Dr I Jones
Nature abhors perfection - cats abhor a vacuum!
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09-06-2007, 08:52 PM
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#7
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cran
well, Baron, as far as I can tell*,
the rhyme scheme experiment - (123231) - works very well ...
as does the idea; the imagery is clear in presentation ...
so, I pick this nit with hesitation:
do you need to pluralise in the second stanza?
I think the singular would work better
question/thought/answer/theory
for rhyme and flow ...
*what I don't know could fill libraries ...
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Thanks for that Cran. I think you're right about singular rather than plural.
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09-06-2007, 11:14 PM
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#8
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,521
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
Understanding, Like a Wraith
Understanding, like a wraith
stealing through my night
to enter dreams,
sneak away with the light,
leaving, it seems,
just a residue of faith.
In myopia is escape
from question and thought
I cannot speak.
No answer is sought
to end mystique,
no theory need take shape…
safe in the cocoon of a dream.
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Honestly, I couldn't find anything wrong with this. To the point, fair rhythm and ok subject matter. Not your best, but certainly not your worst. |
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09-07-2007, 01:33 AM
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#9
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Scribe
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The wild wild west
Gender: Private
Posts: 96
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Fing briliant...sneaking away the light....that strikes a chord in me...keep writing..i wana read more
__________________
one day I will introduce a whole new world to you 
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09-07-2007, 06:36 AM
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#10
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Scribe
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: In the U.K
Gender: Female
Posts: 84
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I really like this Baron.
a residue of faith- Loved this idea/image.
Another great poem!
__________________
A word after a word
after a word is power.
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09-07-2007, 08:29 AM
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#11
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Edgewise
Honestly, I couldn't find anything wrong with this. To the point, fair rhythm and ok subject matter. Not your best, but certainly not your worst.
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Thanks Edge. This was a rhyme scheme experiment. I appreciate your comments. |
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09-07-2007, 08:34 AM
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#12
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I have it
Fing briliant...sneaking away the light....that strikes a chord in me...keep writing..i wana read more
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Thanks for the comment. |
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09-07-2007, 08:37 AM
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#13
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Scribe
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Gender: Female
Posts: 65
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I really like this Baron, I read a religious undertone into this, but that might just be me!
The final line is my favorite, a bit of an Oxymoron to my mind, safety by escape?
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09-07-2007, 08:44 AM
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#14
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SammyMJ
I really like this Baron.
a residue of faith- Loved this idea/image.
Another great poem!
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Thanks for the comment  |
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09-07-2007, 09:08 AM
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#15
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,990
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Quote:
Originally Posted by obriens6
I really like this Baron, I read a religious undertone into this, but that might just be me!
The final line is my favorite, a bit of an Oxymoron to my mind, safety by escape?
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There was no deliberate religious undertone. Comfort zone rather than escape. Thanks for the comment.
Last edited by Baron : 09-07-2007 at 10:11 AM.
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