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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 09-05-2007, 10:14 PM   #1
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Threads of Dread

Year after year I find it here
really please format sucks
Why won"t I critique the chattering ducks?
Do I hate it, do I judge?
No not I, stuck in this sludge
The mess the pain please refrain
let me find just one who is sane
Now I inspire, cliche yes deaths fune-real pyre
Blather on about my faults when it gets me
then I shall go, for then I will know
I have found my equal
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Old 09-06-2007, 07:12 AM   #2
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lol always enjoy your pieces, I think because they are flashed out so have raw feelings attached to each thought presented.

TL
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Old 09-06-2007, 12:43 PM   #3
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TL thanks for the responses (yes all of them) I guess you may be correct raw flashed out feelings or thoughts they lead somewhere just haven't quite figured it out yet.

Sharon
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Old 09-06-2007, 12:57 PM   #4
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You seem to be working out emotion and frustration in your recent poems. I'm calling it as I see it. To me, seeing it this way, makes it dificult to offer valid comments or critique of the art because the real measure of how good it is has to be how much release it brings to you.
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Old 09-06-2007, 01:13 PM   #5
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A 'straight from the heart' poem.

And Baron, I thought that was a lovely way of putting it - "because the real measure of how good it is has to be how much release it brings to you".

I can identify with this readily.
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Old 09-06-2007, 01:18 PM   #6
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Baron is intuitive that way and I appreciate the comments always.

Vortex thanks for adding your points. Summers over back to class tomorrow maybe stop being so lazy and free falling, the work will be more agreeable to critique in future.

Thanks again
Sharon
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Old 09-13-2007, 06:23 AM   #7
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You remind me of a long time poster here (Gordon) I love to read his work out-loud and did so with yours. Made it a read I enjoyed. huni
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Old 09-13-2007, 11:31 AM   #8
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I agree with Baron that the "release" aspect makes it difficult to critique, but as I often use poetry as my release valve, I appreciate this. I've seen poetry that is perfect in form yet has no soul. I'll take a poem like this, whose form may not be perfected, but whose heart is bare and beautiful.

J
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Old 09-13-2007, 11:45 AM   #9
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This was a raw poem, Lady.

let me find just one who is sane

I don't think this line worked though - not with the others, at least.

But this was hasty, so it can be overlooked.
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