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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
08-14-2007, 07:54 PM
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#1
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 54
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Euthanasia
The world's a hole of heaviness
that's got a strong hold on all
the lonely men & whores of women
I'm with them falling from
10,000 feet, feet first so we
can stand wherever we do land
Hang like a jacket in your
walk-in closet while blood
rushes to your floating feet
Float away to bathtub Atlantis,
from here you will be missed
as you drift into G-d's abyss
__________________
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
not with a bang, but with a whimper.
{t.s. eliot.}
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08-14-2007, 07:55 PM
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#2
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,878
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creepy...
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."    
www.theoddvillepress.com
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08-14-2007, 07:58 PM
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#3
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 54
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thanks!
__________________
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
not with a bang, but with a whimper.
{t.s. eliot.}
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08-14-2007, 08:00 PM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,878
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I thought that might be what you were looking for... or are you being sarcastic?
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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08-14-2007, 08:08 PM
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#5
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 54
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no i'm not being sarcastic.
i really appreciate it. i was kinda just writing whatever came out but it turned out that way i think haha.
__________________
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
not with a bang, but with a whimper.
{t.s. eliot.}
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08-14-2007, 08:52 PM
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#6
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,878
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just checking... I liked this, got the message across, good rhythm.
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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08-15-2007, 01:12 AM
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#7
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,569
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Ilasir...creepy indeed. This had a very dark and mysterious air about it.
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08-15-2007, 06:01 AM
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#8
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 736
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I don't like the rhythm especially. Do you have a series of poems on death?
This one is extremely contrived.
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08-15-2007, 10:58 AM
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#9
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299
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I thought this was good; short and sharp and without any flab. Well done.
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08-15-2007, 11:07 AM
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#10
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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For me, I found this hard to read. I liked the tone but not the flow. I like to rhyme in my replies. My bad.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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08-15-2007, 12:29 PM
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#11
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Addict
Join Date: May 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 125
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Youth in Asia. I like that title.
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08-15-2007, 03:35 PM
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#12
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 54
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thank you to all who liked it. & i'm not too sure about the rhythm of it either.
to biggles: i just like writing about death a lot.
to blackviolet: euthanasia = the act of putting to death painlessly or allowing to die, as by withholding extreme medical measures, a person or animal suffering from an incurable, esp. a painful, disease or condition.
__________________
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
this is the way the world ends.
not with a bang, but with a whimper.
{t.s. eliot.}
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08-15-2007, 04:58 PM
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#13
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Mentor
Join Date: May 2007
Location: E. Sussex U.K.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,897
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I think, maybe, Black violet knew that mate. should that be the worlds a whole of heaviness, sorry, ignore that
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08-15-2007, 05:01 PM
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#14
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Addict
Join Date: May 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 125
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Thank you, Olly. Insightful man.
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08-15-2007, 05:09 PM
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#15
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Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Britain
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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Sexy, arachnid. Sexy poem.
The sinister undertones in this are what I am trying to achieve. I wish I could.
__________________
"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar
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