103_smalls

“Midnight”

This is the sweet
nanosecond of life
where the sun descends,
and pitch dark rules the sky.
My eyes see nothing now,
as I step out of my house,
inevitably guided
from Point A to Point B,
instincts and fate
my only tools now.

This is the end
and the beginning,
as I pack my clothes away
and put furniture on layaway.
The engine revs in my car,
but I cannot expect to
get very far;
My bright lights cannot penetrate
this darkness I have come to hate.

A thousand faces are
behind me now,
only a few remain
beside me now,
each handhold only
serves to show
that I am utterly alone.

Fear and doubt grip me now,
my body shaking
from the sound
of unfamiliar noises,
and I’m faced
with a million choices,
but just as I
begin to break
a speck of moonlight
reveals the face
of a new friend
just as terrified
as I am.

It’s not so dark anymore,
as morning gives in
to afternoon,
the bright sun guides
my every move,
and I see faces
everywhere now.

From the corner of my eye,
I see a new freshman
begin to cry;
He’s so afraid
of the darkness.

I go to him
and tell him not
to worry about
the darkness cast
at Midnight.
Because although it
seems the sun has vanished,
it will return;
The end is
only the beginning.

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GOD HELP ME!

IT'S THE SOUND THAT MAKES ME PUNCH INFANTS! (but not ms. vodka's)

Baron

Its been a great day for good stuff published on the forum. I hope this one gets the appreciation it deserves.

__________________

Triquediqual

This is very true Baron. I'm shells-shocked by the sudden standard today except one poem though.

As for the poem, well....I had one major overall problem lingering cancerous through the piece. It was the forced rhyming. Originally from what seemed benign, turned malignant in a matter of seconds destroying every stanza.

However, disregarding that, this is one of the best poems published today and a very enjoyable read.

Keep writing.

Triq ( I think this is the first poem I have critiqued for you, I hope to read many more from you ).

__________________
I don't need to convince you to become an atheist, because you already believe in Nothing, you only have to convince yourself

Check out my blog:
http://quantumbomber.blogspot.com/

Charlie_Eleanor

Wow, I can't believe I'm going to disagree. I thought it was predictable and boring, but....ah well, you know me. I'm a flake.

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Triquediqual

Don't be rude, explain why you find it predictable? What makes you think you know what's going to happen?

Plus, what makes it boring? It might help the reader with a deeper insight.

Thanks,

Triq

__________________
I don't need to convince you to become an atheist, because you already believe in Nothing, you only have to convince yourself

Check out my blog:
http://quantumbomber.blogspot.com/

RickySideburns

Jesus, that was really good man. Well done, I'm impressed.

__________________
"Poetry is supposed to be an emotional thing, yet you approach it like a science.
That's my tuppence worth anyhow".
~Kuntfinger.
"This I can handle with my fingers crossed knowing sooner or later another one of you will go and then I will be done."
"Nobody's perfect, but there is a f*cking standard."

Damien.

I'm sorry, but I agree with Charlie. The freshman crying...I don't know, I just didn't find much deep meaning in it. It's good, but not mind blowing.

__________________
Come down down, they'll say,
But everything looks perfect from far away.
Come down down, but we'll stay.

Martin

I really like and relate to the theme, and I find much detail in this very accessible "story". The imagery revolving around night/day is fine, though not totally accurate in first verse, as just after the sun has set, it is still quite light...

I enjoyed this read in it's length, but I'm sure it could be shortened by enriching the lines.

Good read

/m