Originally Posted by apple

Dark escaped light.
Shadows caught in bleak armies
leaped edge to sky This caught my eye. I don't understand it's use? I understand the imagery, add a word between Leaped and Edge.
and pinned pieces of the sun Get rid of "And"
against the distant hills.Good Imagery.

It was here,
where tribes deserted long ago,
dipped into the earth’s soul,
the moon forgot to shine
across the gape. Gape is an annoying and depressing word I think, replace with a more vivid image that captures the essence of the previous lines.

A coyote fell through,
broke its bones and sank midway
in muddy stench.
Four days, five nights howled
inside a hole,
to last,
below a star’s eye. Nice.

Magic worms
from a moments pocket
appeared , to weave
and eat the soft parts,
gather phosphorescence,
then blink out.

Shadow railed downward.
Soft flutter, the crow
with its eye cocked, pulled seed
from the ragweed,
while skull and claw moored
against the heart
of an irresponsible moon.
They were just the few things that irritated me but there not major. Still good work. Keep writing.

Triq