Alone With The Loners - Writers Forum

brokenearphones · 07-04-2007, 08:55 PM

Pick me,the wilted flower
calls out,
begging for some attention.
Look here,
the rainbow cries.
Find the pot of
gold.
The rotting apple,
turning brown,
doesn’t want to be
garbage.
I’m not what I appear.
The forgotten smile
tries to break
the barrier of the
frown.
Hard and unyielding,
it will
not
bow down.
Ink trails,
left from the
broken
blue ballpoint pen,
running down the page
and creating a
puddle.
Smashed pumpkins,
left to die
on one sad
Hollow’s Eve.
All they did was
smile,
but that alone is enough
to anger even the
feeble.
The moose head
on the wall
sighs to itself.
Rember the happy times,
when his brother
didn’t die for our
sport.
And then
there,
I sit, alone.
Another forgotten,
another sad.
Another gone wrong,
another depressed.
And there,
I sit.
Hiding away,
waiting,
for someone to notice.
Waiting,
for someone to care.
And my brothers,
and my sisters,
the broken and lost,
wait along side
with me.
Alone,
with the loners.

Voodoo · 07-05-2007, 01:52 AM

Only part I liked about this is the bit about ink running.

The rest was unformatted, rude.

But, I must say, you've a very clean signature, love.

Edgewise · 07-05-2007, 11:36 PM

An excellent tribute to the loner. Good flow throughout. The formating was a little off (I.E. breaking off the line after three or four words), and made it more difficult to read. I especially liked:

Smashed pumpkins,
left to die
on one sad
Hollow’s Eve.
All they did was
smile,
but that alone is enough
to anger even the
feeble.

There is strength alone. Crowds dilute the self. Keep on choogling.

Erase · 07-06-2007, 12:30 AM

The tone is pronounced and clear throughout. I like it much. =)

brokenearphones · 09-30-2007, 04:55 PM

Thanks so much everyone.

Sorry, I haven't been on here forever.