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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 06-07-2007, 07:53 AM   #1
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Past Sense
Any criticism on this would be great.

Past Sense

Wild showers wash over a
Worn down, worm drowned
Southern fishing town.
Cruel mist dangles in the
Cool caustic air.
It reminds her of Dingle
When she sat in that
Linen covered rocking chair
Sharing nothing but everything
Of care to her.
If I were her and i
Was there, I'd sit and watch
And rock and stare
In that linen covered sharing chair
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Old 06-07-2007, 02:34 PM   #2
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I think this is great. At first I was just skimming through the boards just looking for some entertainment, and this poem gave it to me.

I love where the rhyming is. It's different, sounds childish, but very good.

Nice work.
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Old 06-07-2007, 02:59 PM   #3
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I really enjoyed this...

it's almost musical, the way you wrote it...
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Old 06-07-2007, 03:19 PM   #4
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The subtle alliteration works very well. The rhyming isn't very consistant, but it works ok.
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"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

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