friendshipalways

The road to nowhere winds and twists,
lined with palms, atop a steep cliff.
The view is stellar, vibrant and alive,
fresh ocean spray in the air on this road to nowhere.

In contrast, the road to my goals is strewe with rocks.
The land it spans is barren and lifeless.
I see no animal, plant or tree,
it's lonely and company is me.

Both paths lead to destination unknown,
which should i choose to call my own?
I want to find happiness at the end,
that's where an easy road never went.

I ponder lives of those before me.
Those who made it, never chose easy.
So i walk the difficult path and hope it leads me to happiness at last.

Inkwad

I like the sentiment in this and the imagery shows it well, but the flow is a little awkward. Perhaps just re-jigging some of the lines so's they bounce better?
X

friendshipalways

Any explicit suggestions?

Inkwad

Erm...ok. An example of what I mean
;
Your first twolines,if you just took out "a" from atop "a" steep cliff, it would instantly fit better and you have set the pace for your rhthym.
You could find other words with less syllables but same meaning to keep that rhthym.
"In contrast the road to my goals is strewe with rocks" could be changed so that you don't even need to say in contrast, your imagery would show the contrast. You could just call it your goal road, chopping out unnecessary words.
That kind of ting.
Hope that helps
X

friendshipalways

It definitely does, thanks!

Lise

Sounds more like a pop-song , but I like it.
Continue your writings

friendshipalways

Thanks!