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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
06-05-2007, 10:15 AM
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#1
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Mentor
Join Date: May 2007
Location: E. Sussex U.K.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,867
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Wronging rights
Wronging rights.
I am not benevolent, cruel to be kind
I am evil and malicious, bending peoples minds
No twelve true men would aquit me
Iniquitous would fit me
Vile and venomous in villany
Infamous for infamy
Out in the ragged moonlight wronging rights
Killing lights and darkening the light
I am into subterfugeand camoflage
Memoirs of a darker age
Making evidence conflicting
Getting into heated kitchens
Knives out and flashing
Hot blood splashing
Faster than furious
Indiscreet and injurious
Complicit in conduct,companion to culprit
Perjury and predjudice propogated properly
Keep me unsuspected, unconvicted and uncaught
Wronging rights in the wild moonlight
Killing lights, adding to the darkness of the night
Have a care, I don't play fair
My wicked tongue seeks wicked ears
With rumours, lies and fear
Those evil ears hear wicked tongues
And someone will get hung
I'm not the one
I'm out in the ragged moonlight
Killing lights and adding to the darkness of the night
Last edited by Olly Buckle : 09-04-2007 at 07:46 PM.
Reason: Took out my introductory comment
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09-04-2007, 07:46 PM
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#2
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Mentor
Join Date: May 2007
Location: E. Sussex U.K.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,867
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This was one of my first posts, only got 17 views and no comments. I was reminded of it by something foxee said about being glad I am only evil by intent so thought I would bump it
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09-04-2007, 07:53 PM
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#3
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Olly Buckle
Wronging rights.
I am not benevolent, cruel to be kind
I am evil and malicious, bending peoples minds Cool.
No twelve true men would aquit me
Iniquitous would fit me Iniquitous? Are you sure you want this?
Vile and venomous in villany
Infamous for infamy
Out in the ragged moonlight wronging rights
Killing lights and darkening the light 2 lights? Didn't work for me.
I am into subterfuge and camoflage Fix the spacing for and.
Memoirs of a darker age
Making evidence conflicting
Getting into heated kitchens
Knives out and flashing
Hot blood splashing
Faster than furious This sounded cliche.
Indiscreet and injurious But this sounded good.
Complicit in conduct,companion to culprit
Perjury and predjudice propogated properly I would remove one.
Keep me unsuspected, unconvicted and uncaught
Wronging rights in the wild moonlight
Killing lights, adding to the darkness of the night
Have a care, I don't play fair
My wicked tongue seeks wicked ears
With rumours, lies and fear
Those evil ears hear wicked tongues
And someone will get hung I think it should be "be hanged."
I'm not the one
I'm out in the ragged moonlight
Killing lights and adding to the darkness of the night
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This was cool. Though you describe moonlight as ragged, then wild, then ragged.
That irked me for whatever reason.
Fix and return the favor, ja?
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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09-04-2007, 07:57 PM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,866
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Not even one response? Besides the repetition of "light" and "night" far too muc, I really liked this piece. The alliteration was well-done, and I liked the dark, cold humor of the tone.
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."    
www.theoddvillepress.com
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