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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
05-17-2007, 08:15 PM
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#1
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Addict
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 159
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O Mother
O Mother,
Too many vikadins,
But never enough
Who dare speak of your childhood?
It brings rage yet love
You deserve so much mercy
But it's so hard.
I know I love you
When I lose you
You'll still be there
Since a child, when I played with your hair
You'll still be there
I'll see you just as clear
The time I was drunk and you said I swung at you
The time I woke you in the night,
after the Chris Wyatt fight
How could I ever forget you mama?
I hated your hypocricy
But I loved you, and do,
The Real you.
When you hurt I hurt, and when you go, I'll go
I know; part of me forever gone,
until the new dawn.
__________________
"They fought like warrior poets...and they won their freedom."~Brave Heart
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05-17-2007, 08:21 PM
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#2
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Scribe
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
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Although a bit rough to read (I'm a flow-obsessor), I truly enjoyed reading this poem because it felt so real compared to other poems I've read. You also got what you wanted to say across very clearly, which is always a good thing (and a rare thing), I believe, in poetry.
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05-17-2007, 11:14 PM
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#3
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Best Seller
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in Lucifer's lap.
Gender: Female
Posts: 664
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Full of emotion. I love it. Its got no flow but that's part of the beauty of it.
__________________
When it hurts just to breathe, when your days are hard, and your nights are long, when you're thinking of giving up on it all...Here there are a pair of arms to encircle you, two lips to kiss away your tears, two hands to wash away all the pain of yesterday
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05-18-2007, 02:03 PM
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#4
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Addict
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 159
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Thanks guys, we had just watched this modern poet in my class that tried to stick to first thoughts, and I tried to do the same. I just let it flow and ignored my critiquing. I guess that's why it comes through that way.
__________________
"They fought like warrior poets...and they won their freedom."~Brave Heart
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05-18-2007, 02:45 PM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 229
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Great poem, I love the subject you address. I recently gave a mother's day poem to my mom.
My poem was about the early stages, the primal state between mother and child. The child is soley dependent on mom, and relies on her to be the body. A child is completely absorbed into the mother's cradle.
Your poem seems to talk about time when mom wants the child to be the parent, and seeks to find comfort in the child's cradle. Those days are really hard.
Love the poem! Keep accessing those powerful feelings and putting them to page, not everyone is so open to their authenticity.
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05-18-2007, 04:03 PM
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#6
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Addict
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 159
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Yea, that's one way of putting it. It has definitely been a sort of role reversal for me. Nice you could pick up on that.
__________________
"They fought like warrior poets...and they won their freedom."~Brave Heart
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05-18-2007, 04:11 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 229
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Nice you could access the insight, so I could revist my own past experiences.
Love writing, it is so many things to me. It seems to exist for as much the writer's benefit, as it does the world's.
Cheers Skylar
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