forcedkeystroke

Alright, as my 'Mind Game' thread states, I am bored. So in my time, in which I have around five hours left of, I have managed to make sense of my reality on the internet.

"Forcedkeystroke"

The keys
on your computer
input
the signals that I
relay
to that person to
that machine
to that
world in which you play
where you
hold the minds of
others
where you
take away their control
then seize
their sense of
individuality
with a
forced keystroke

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AntonioChavez

I appreciate the feedback on my piece and offer the same of yours!
The best part about this poem is the rhythm which is actually reminiscent of typing- a steady rise and fall of syllables. The language is simplistic though the musing tone of the piece fits it well.

The last half of the poem gives me the impression that the narrator has resigned- bent under the thumb of the individual who has the ability to force keystrokes to "take away... control" and "... individuality". The language is precise but lacks emotion and I find that it takes away from the the gravity of what you appear to be saying.

Now, for my personal curiosity, who is the narrator speaking to? The two answers that come to mind are a hacker or a significant other.

I think it could be expanded on and I'm also of the opinion that you might consider looking up a bit of rhetoric and consider a thesauraus for a little bit of spice!

Cheers,
T

forcedkeystroke

Hey, thanks.
I didn't expect anyone to actually respond to this, I do appreciate it.
As for the second half and your allegation that the language lacks emotion, I must submit that I did not want to...elaborate, or pry into my concious of my emotions, though I probably wouldn't be able to find words suitable to describe them.
As for a thesauraus, I don't think it'd help me much. I'm not the best at using them except perhaps for reference?

I may add onto this, but I'm not sure about anything happening soon.

To answer your curiousity, it's more of a self-reflective poem. And being as brief as that is, I hope it sheds a good amount of light on the piece.

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Itsaboysname

This is sweet!

I love the rhythm of it. As for it being a self-reflective piece I'm curious: Is that where you took your name from? Or did you write this after you chose it?

Other than that Psh, you definately don't need a thesauraus. For this piece anyway. The simple language of it fits really well.

Yeah, I hope to see more of your stuff around!

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I wish I were witty...