FootballStar20

My back creeks like an old boat.
My knees held together by string.
But don’t you dare give me sympathy.
Holster your pathetic empathy.
I sure as hell don’t need affirmation
so keep those thoughts in check.

Don’t send apologies my way.
I don’t need to be forgiven.
I’ve gotten decade after decade
out of these rattling bones
and my mind didn’t just stay in tow
carried along for the ride.

I’m not a new world man
who bitches about life.
I play the hand God dealt
adapt when I have to
but always stay true to form
because this is a wasteland
and I won't add to the body count.

Cornish Maid

I like what you're saying here Footballstar but I think you need to take a look at breaking down the sentences in the last two stanzas.
It flows nicely in the first one and then you have long sentences fitted into the line pattern and it ruins it for me by breaking up the rhythm set in the first stanza.

Best wishes.

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FootballStar20

Thanks for reading. I've fixed up a few of the lines and I think it makes the last two stanzas flow as well as the first.

Cornish Maid

It reads a lot better now but I would still trim it a little further. I've highlighted the bits I'd change. Saying that though, it's your work at the end of the day so what you do with it is up to you.

Nice work. Well done.

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