dannyboy

Michelangelo ruins the earth

I was oh so clever
with my oh so clever tools
and a science steeped in words.
I made her from stone, called
her forth from the hills with hard breasts
formed from a rub here, her childless womb
a chisel cut there - until she stood, a creature
only I would possess, mine, adored.

Tamed by my hands, my skill alone.
I should have never tried
to domesticate a rock, it leads
to a weight forever cast upon your mind.
I feared her loss yet was blind
when the loss of her came.

The start of the end was the gum -
wood called to her as strongly, as sweetly
as stone had called to me. She peeled a thick strip,
like I undressing her, from the tree, smoked it
stiff and set off in her canoe. I called
for her to stop but how to prevail
upon a woman with a crevice for a heart?
She heard my pleas and ignored -

set off on the river to explore
but the wood could never support stone.
She sank into the skies and lies there still
determined now to not shed a tear.
In dryness and dust I have now a home -
no more rocks or wood just barren earth.

Magnum Zero

I've got a massive headache right now, so I'm not sure if I delved deeply enough into the poem's meaning but...
As always, great writing. I love how the stone came to life and fashioned a canoe with which to escape from the narrator. Something about the end..I don't know if I like it. Perhaps replace the line with a whole new one? Or maybe replace "just" with "but." I don't know. I can't think now.
But love the poem! =D

dannyboy

thank you MZ - this is a long way off finished - Not sure of the structure for it yet and yes, I think I rushed the resolution but i wanted to get it down and start to play with it.

Edgewise

Good piece. Question: If I am not mistaken, I have heard a story similar to this one. Could just be my head playing tricks on me though. Were you influenced by a particular source when you wrote this, or did it come straight from you?

__________________
The Heart of Art and Sole

Cat Scan Variations

dannyboy

2 sources really - 1 the celtic tale about Bleodwynn (the girl of flowers - spelling is way off I reckon) and an Aussie poem 'marparoom' (again don't trust my spelling) about an aboringal version of the celtic myth, also in aboriginal myths the stones also have 'awareness' (and is some stories come alive).

Amour

"I was oh so clever
with my oh so clever tools
and a science steeped in words."
Not in the same context, obviously, but yes, you were.

As always, brilliant writing, and a very creative(fresh,even) idea. More (always) great work, danny, and always a joy to read. Thanks for sharing.

S2 & S3 were definitely my favorites. Some really great lines there. ("I should have never tried
to domesticate a rock,
it leads to a weight forever cast upon your mind." Being my absolute favorite. )
And while imperfect, I thought the ending, too, was very clever ("but the wood could never support stone.
She sank into the skies and lies there still" another especially great line, with the Michelangelo reference and sinking into the sky. Great stuff.) I don't know what else to say. Wonderful work, danny. Looking forward to the finished piece.

dannyboy

thank you amour

John2

Loved this piece, and pretty much agree with everything amour had to say.

A female statue coming to life and rebelling against its creator is a similar plot to that of Ovid's Pygmalion.

Anyway, loved many of the allusions and images.

Cheers,

John

Due on Maple Street

I like a lot of the word usage. I like the idea and the imagery of it all. I love the idea of domesticating a rock, hell its a lot like trying to domesticate a wife, or if you're a wife, a lot like trying to domesticate a husband. I picture a tumultous marriage the ends in divorce as well as what you describe.
I also think you're right the form doesn't flow well enought to do the overall vision justice. But I did quite enjoy it.
And yes, I said its like trying to domesticate a wife. That is hard work I tell you what, but I love mine with all my heart.

__________________
I know that evening's empire has returned into sand, vanished from my hand, left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping

Critique is always welcome. I will try to return the favor.

dannyboy

ta John 2

and also Due on...

on one level this is about domestic things

but it is also trying to use that as a metaphor for what we 'white fellas' have done to this continent.

mostlysunny

I called
for her to stop but how to prevail
upon a woman with a crevice for a heart?


Another great line. I love writing like this. It carries you back to another time. I read again, after your last post. Now I see the added theme. It's layered with great visual and metaphor. I really enjoyed it.

Amour

Which is exactly why it's so good.

dannyboy

thank you mostlysunny

and again Amour...