Malkamazing

Here's a poem I wrote. I won't give any background information since I would like to see how the reader interprets it into what they think it means. It's one of my other poems about people who are undergoing depression, and how much of a mess they feel like. (Sorry if that last sentence made no sense.)

Trapped In My Own Mind
Stomach churning,
Eyes burning,
Thoughts; scattered,
Clothes; tattered.
The walls
Are closing in.
I can't seem to find a door.
My heart's throbbing:
Painfully,
I can't take it
Anymore.
Every single
Limb,
Has a mind of its
Very own.
My throat sounds a
Cough.
And from my lips
Becomes a moan.
My heart is
Racing,
And my brain seems
Out of order.
My lungs are tightning
Inward,
And my breath
Is getting
Shorter.
This purposeless life
Is coming to
An end.
All it ever needed,
Was a true; caring friend.

I know the structure was a litte mixed up, and blended from short poems with one word lines to long, descriptive poetry. I hope you enjoyed it!

Note: Happier poems on their way.

__________________
"Death has a larger impact on one's life than the knowing of the fact that life is so much more important." - Me

"Life and death are twins, only life's the more painful one." - Me

Nalo Jade

and from my lips becomes a moan ... I like that.

I would of course make some changes here and there but that is why its yours and not mine.

I liked the change of ownership.

Stomach, Eyes ... ( the body is the narrator here )

I can't ... ( the mind/person is the narrator here )

My (body) ... ( the joining of the mind and body as the narrator )

to be honest not really a style of poem that I enjoy but thats just an issue of tastes, I would suspect that someone that really likes those types of poems will find it interesting.

I felt a bleakness as the cliche' phrase of "walls closing in" was intended to do, the limbs acting on their own did add that sence of "lost control"

The limbs having a mind of their own was unique.

The walls closing in ... it would be nice if you could keep the intent, but approach it from a non cliche angle like your limbs showing loss of control

my $0.02

Malkamazing

At the nonexsistent rate people are posting C + C on this thread; your two cents mean much more to me.

Thanks.

__________________
"Death has a larger impact on one's life than the knowing of the fact that life is so much more important." - Me

"Life and death are twins, only life's the more painful one." - Me