Edgewise

I haven't written anything for a bit, so this is just a kind of excercise to see if I still have it in me.


I’m a man on a mission,
Objectives of my own device,
Headed towards oblivion,
I peek at my demise,
Plenty of history to revise,
No need to think twice,
I am a man on a mission,
That one thought should suffice.

A single minded goal,
With presence of mind,
To see my own way home,
Even though I am blind,
And even when I shy away,
I can still peer from a distance,
And hold back the attack,
Aim it at the point of least resistance.

Once the lines are breached,
There is no turning back,
When it’s finally done,
Then it’s finally time to relax,
Kick back and watch the fireworks,
A Fourth of July by proxy,
Will choke on the noxious toxic fumes,
Of fireworks going off around me.

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What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"

Immortal

Well, man, I must say for not writing anything for a while, you still have it in ya'. One thing though, when I was reading it out loud, it sounded superb except this line, "Aim it at the point of least resistance." It's just too jumbled up. I get the message, but it's a little too complicated.

Try this:
"I can still peer from a distance,
hold back the attack,
charge the point of least resistance."

or something not including the combination of these words: "Aim it at." They really don't work there.

However, if you just fix that one thing, then I'll have to give you props for a poem excellente. For now, it's just awesome!

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Official Signature Quote: "Wigga wigga nutshire!"

"Never let your schoolin' interfere with your education." -Mark Twain

Edgewise

Thanks a lot Immortal. Appreciate it.

__________________
What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"