hubert

Hero, Hero, Hero
WHat have u done
Feel the power of illusion
let it guild u
AS the earth crumbles
When all that is good, fails
When all that is good, is wasted
DArkness talkes ahold of you, the hero will save u,
Because u feel the power of the illusion
with a dance and a cheer, you are reborn
As all your hope fades, you are reborn
Physical parin is no barrior
to the path of the hero
The pathe to become one
One with god,
Feel the power of salvation

A blunt discussion for the mind
The feeling of pure joy uncathed by a simple metaphore,
This is the instant marked by love until life subdues u
Betrade for there is nothing left to sacrifice
You bend your mind, alter your hart
u must purafy your self, Bleed through your soul
Lilith, oh lilith
this is my fate, watched by you
The feeling of pure happines
Felt through every void in the universe
a viod, One that is truth yet lies
We conceal ourselves under the yellow cross
With false idols, stigmas and attitudes
Lilith, oh lilith
WHat have i done
THe mask is slowly unfolding, behold
Your time is now, Anymoment
Hence the tast in your food, The air and the earth
We are born again, stronger, faster, better
Your domiance is no more, plaged by the viod
We will rise, for we will fall
with a single tear
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^

Board som im jibering about nonsence in the form of a poem
blessed are we for we have sined,
Distance ourselves with out guilt or mandate,
We shade our souls and scuray to the past,
For we are wanted for the breath of our youth
In return, our lives are met with objects
While our world crumbles,
Children weep,
the earth thickens
We the sponge, simbalies our guilt in terms of hatred of others
We abandon our brothers and sisters at the cost of our world
We argue, we Blame, we fear, We prosocute
but the truth is here, its simple but slowley it fade amoungst the wispers of time and space
For all will soon be forgoten, as nature takes its cource
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Glfralin

First of all, don't hedge your bets so to speak. We are capable of deciding if we feel what you've written is poetry or not. You are a poet and this is proof that you can be a really good writer. I am able to decifer what it is that you are trying to communicate. The biggest problem right now is spelling. At some point I began to wonder if the misspellings were intentional. If so, it is actually distracting and wants to make the reader slap you. LOL jist a jok.

These need editing. If you really have problems with spelling, by the way some people are naturally horrible spellers, then you may wish to have someone help you. Spell check will help some, but some of these words are real words but not spelled right for the meaning you are looking for.

__________________
Simplicity is such a beautiful thing. Take a look at the simple things around you.

I will try to respond in kind.

http://wordsprings.blogspot.com/

gary_wagner

I gave this a shot, even though I didn't want to deal with three poems at once along with your warning that they weren't very good. I stopped when I hit the first, "u".

I absolutely despise IMspeak in poetry. To me, poetry is about the use of words - not abbreviations. I reccomend you remove the IMspeak, post these one at a time, and at least make sure you have editted and spell-checked (there are mutiple problems with that) before you post. There are a lot of poems posted here and most people (especially me) won't spend a lot of time on one that the author didn't appear to spend much time on themself.

__________________
Founding member of alliterationaholics anonymous.
Should you be a member too?

Jolly McJollyson

Is English your first language?

__________________
I'm not a writer.

Critique my writing.

Or my lyrics.

Its Not A Tumaaa

You have potential to be a really good poet. What I recommend is you take a Poetry/Literature course, or even pick up a good book. Learn all about the nuances and devices of poetry. Apply vivid use of imagery and detail. Practice writing in verse to get the grasp of meter, then work your way to free verse.

Keep writing!

Immortal

One thing you need to learn is spelling. Really, it may seem like we are all sticklers, but even I can't deny that spelling is almost always the thing that will turn your readers off the fastest (and I am one rebelious poet, let me tell you...or maybe later). I could respell your entire poem for you to see the words' correct spellings. Just ask us or learn on your own. Don't feel intimidated here, just take it in the ribs and move on.

__________________
Official Signature Quote: "Wigga wigga nutshire!"

"Never let your schoolin' interfere with your education." -Mark Twain

hubert

Yeah, i've got to start applying more effort into grammar. I live in a rural community so a poetry cource is not really an option. Besides i like it more as a hobby, a way to get my feelings and thoughts down.

Glfralin

You can go to Writespot.org and there are some wonderful articles there on developing writing skills. There are also a lot of other sites about perfecting your writing. You are obviously not illiterate, and judging from your response you can spell and use good grammer when you choose to. I think you have mixed IM speak and Text messaging into the poetry, that doesn't work. I'm afraid that this generation of computer abreviated words and text messaging could be very damaging to some peoples skills. You obviously don't need to use it.

__________________
Simplicity is such a beautiful thing. Take a look at the simple things around you.

I will try to respond in kind.

http://wordsprings.blogspot.com/