CircusFolk

What curious confessions I was given
That unforgettable night
Where I was professed
By Morpheus.
You’ve come to me
In a dream’s guise.
You’ve come to me
In a mask of sheets.
You’ve come to me
In a sleepy breath.
You’ve danced with me
Beneath the starry skies.
What colorful visions I was handed
That paramount evening
Where I was wed
To Morpheus.
You’ve come to me
In a dream’s guise.
You’ve come to me
In a mask of sheets.
You’ve come to me
In a sleepy breath.
You’ve danced with me
Beneath the starry skies.
What a willow tree in which I laid
That notorious eve
Where I made love
To Morpheus.
You’ve come to me
In a dream’s guise.
You’ve come to me
In a mask of sheets.
You’ve come to me
In a sleepy breath.
You’ve danced with me
Beneath the starry skies.
What a fate was mapped for me
That haunting dawn
When I woke from dreams
Of Morpheus.
You’ve come to me
In a dream’s guise.
You’ve come to me
In a mask of sheets.
You’ve come to me
In a sleepy breath.
You’ve danced with me
Beneath the starry skies.
What an image was projected
That reborn evenfall
When we again met
I and my Morpheus.

__________________

DabigJimdogg0

too much repetition. There's verses in this poem, if you want verses turn this into song lyrics. Every line of a poem should add something to the description and every line in this poem is repeating what a line before it already said.

__________________
We are the children of the Nightmares.

CircusFolk

I was afraid of that after I posted it. I created this work a little while ago and usually I label the file names story, song, poem, and such. I didn't have one on this. But I think you're right for sure.

Thank you for the constructive critcism, it is greatly appreciated!

__________________

Glfralin

I agree there is much too much repetition here. I think there is something oddly too familiar about it. I don't know if its lines that are a bit cliched or if I'm remembering lines from a very similar themed poem. You may want to look up poetry about Morpheus. I know I've seen and heard that before. It is a little sing songy, but it rings of a lot of good possibilities for you as a poem. There is a lot to be said for using structure in poetry.

__________________
Simplicity is such a beautiful thing. Take a look at the simple things around you.

I will try to respond in kind.

http://wordsprings.blogspot.com/

CircusFolk

Really? I think I will...and make sure I wasn't somehow writing something I've heard somewhere else. I hope not.

Thanks for the reply. Noted and appreciated!

__________________