Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
11-28-2006, 07:46 AM
|
#1
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 419
|
Sound The Silence
Sound the silence, it creeps
watch it there, on the floor
a cockroach.
It knows your feet linger
but there is no way to let the bug infest.
I want it to come
breathe life into my lungs,
lungs of cerebral intensity,
as gears churn brains into butter.
Where is there salvation?
Can it be this cockroach-
this jazzless, sexless, adventureless
cockroach of solitude?
Damn you!
you are not hanging on a cross,
if anything,
you have eaten your way into the cross...
Pitiful scrounging vermin of a concept,
I can fight you for as long as I can stay awake.
But alas, my eyes can no longer stay awake
and I feel you crawling beneath my skin again.
Last edited by NealCassady : 11-29-2006 at 11:09 AM.
|
|
|
|
11-28-2006, 03:55 PM
|
#2
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: IN
Gender: Male
Posts: 102
|
I'm not really sure what to think of it, but I'll take a stab.
Silence is like a cockroach, something everyone hates and something that can't be killed. You want silence to think, but it takes control of you. You then view silence as unholy and vile, always fighting it until you sleep.
Did I pass the test?
I liked it, though. Never before have I seen a poem that used a cockroach to describe silence. I thought it was quite fitting, too.
__________________
Official Signature Quote: "Wigga wigga nutshire!"
"Never let your schoolin' interfere with your education." -Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
|
11-28-2006, 05:16 PM
|
#3
|
|
Banned
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Lake District, well nearly
Gender: Male
Posts: 306
|
This poem is good. I think it would be improved, to make it even better, by pruning some unnecessary words. Also if more senses were involved, smell and touch perhaps. This would bring the cockroach to life more.  |
|
|
|
|
11-28-2006, 05:37 PM
|
#4
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
|
Neal: I like silence, and this poem, alot.
the last four lines of s2 are smashing.
the ending's ambivalent, which may be as it should be.
how about: 'But is there no way to let the bug infest?
Is salvation this cockroach?
nice nice work.
cheers
J.R.
|
|
|
|
|
11-28-2006, 05:56 PM
|
#5
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: australia
Posts: 4,535
|
Well done Neal, this is a ripper.
|
|
|
|
|
11-28-2006, 06:12 PM
|
#6
|
|
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 13
|
Poem makes me uncomfortble. its good that you can do this
|
|
|
|
|
11-29-2006, 11:08 AM
|
#7
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 419
|
thanks guys,
J.R., I've made those corrections that you suggested...
|
|
|
|
|
11-30-2006, 06:48 AM
|
#8
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Canada
Gender: Female
Posts: 188
|
a creepy imagery...but a good poem.Silence working as cockroach....a unqueimagery though but
liked it .
__________________
The wisest mind has something yet to learn (Santayana).
We are poor indeed if we are only sane.
(D.W.Winnicott)
|
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:52 PM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us: 
|
|
