silverwriter

Deleted. Thank you for the comments.

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murdershewrote2005

eerie. Is she like a ghost or something? Or am i being completely stupid?

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"If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to be one hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." ~Winnie the Pooh~

www.literarymary.com

Penelope

possibly instead of possible perhaps? Now to the bones .. if you have included a clue that I missed .. well .. I looked hard but couldn't ID the character your poem is about. hmm .. maybe she's one of those stay at home hostages whose afraid to go out? Still thinking .. and reading. Or maybe she's a window and curtains are her hair?

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"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

huni

I am thinking some one shut inside, too Pen. Maybe chronic depression or some other thing keeps her in from a world outside that she sees but can't feel or enjoy. Also like the idea of the window and glass doing this, as a person like that, would perhaps not feel anything nor own their part in it. The concrete bridge makes this have a different level, like - maybe she yearns for that 'concrete' support to help her move forward or out.

Or maybe I'm just an idiot - lol : )

I liked it for a lot of reasons in spite of I would tidy it up a bit silver. You can write. warm regards huni

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each time we see the face ...it is our own ideas of him which we recognize. Proust

journyman161

This has a lonely, isolated feel to it. Like someone standing back from life, seeing it all go by & wondering when or if she will get to step out & join in.

I have the impression maybe she feels somewhat alien to it all, almost a puzzlement as to what it is all about & the references to support imply needing or waiting for some event or person to be there so she can venture out into life.

Mind you, it could also apply to just her; that there is some point she has to reach, some understanding needed before she can join in & find out where they are all going & get out to identify the flowers & details of what she sees. But there are those 'support' references...

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*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln

zoya_brar

or this could simply be someone mourning the state of the world, with flowers and fragrances only a distant reality, which we see in pictures or even in dreams but cant touch or feel cause it doesnt surround us anymore. the way we have made our world into a complete concrete jungle!
who knows what it really is!!
this is well written Jamie.

J.R. MacLean

Silver: I like the last two lines alot. I think the poem would benefit from sharper, more specific imagery in the lead up. Nevertheless carries its weight of lonely sadness.
cheers
J.R.

silverwriter

jess - you're never stupid, girlie. she could very well be interpreted as a ghost observing the world she's no longer a part of. *hugs*

penelope - thanks for the catch. i really need to be a better editor for myself. the character is actually up for interpretation, as shown by the comments. technically, she is me as i was sitting in the library and looking out the window. but for the poem, she is what you want to identify with. thank you for reading.

huni - bang on. trapped inside and wanting the concrete support others seem to have. thank you for the read.

journyman - bang on with the observer aspect and feeling alien to it all. the support references...people have support, be it a bridge for their car or whatnot, and they often don't even realize it. thank you for the read.

zoya - interesting take on it. i was actually thinking about how sad it was that the only "nature" i could see was outside the library window and a small patch at that. thank you for the read. i enjoyed your interpretation.

j.r. - always a pleasure to have you read my work. i'll admit i wrote this on the fly, and it sort of wrote itself. i'm glad it inspired some feeling in you. thank you for the read.


hugs

jaime

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dannyboy

I like this a lot and I want more of her.

silverwriter

you will get more. thank you.

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DylanFan

i like it you can really get the image in your head and makes u feel for her

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In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~

silverwriter

thank you. i'm glad it made you feel something.

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gigi

Hi Jaime,

It was the third and fourth stanzas that really make this good. I would like more of her in the beginning to set the scene better. Nice juxtaposition of circumstance and setting. Thanks for the read!

Lans

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literarymary.com

silverwriter

hello lans,

thanks for the read and comments. the problem was that it wasn't until the third and fourth stanzas that i really got into being her.

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