The damp earth calls me - Writers Forum

dannyboy · 05-30-2006, 08:43 AM

The damp earth calls me

Pushing my hands into the peat straw
beneath the silver ash - her curls call me.
Too many nights the patter of feet
disturb the intent.

The straw in summer
blows far from the garden
in the hot dry wind
not of its own choosing.

zoya_brar · 05-30-2006, 08:45 AM

dannyboy, i didnt quite get this one.. maybe if you could give me a gist of it i might be able to understand it better!
Cheers
Zoya

dannyboy · 05-30-2006, 07:06 PM

its about sex

huni · 05-30-2006, 07:43 PM

Damn that patter, not the feet of course. Thank you zoya for asking - I was thinking I had better get in some new Lucerne straw for my roses. So birds and bees eh! I'll have mull over that one Danny. huni

dannyboy · 05-30-2006, 07:50 PM

its about lack

huni · 05-30-2006, 08:16 PM

Lack of sex? So gardening gets one wanting .... curls calling ... then hot wind ( said feet ) takes away the cool refreshing mulch ( I hate that, blasted north winds) and viola! Missed out again. Or are you just having us on? *grin* h.

dannyboy · 05-30-2006, 08:58 PM

hands in the wet straw recall my wife's 'dampness' (her curls) and how recently we seem to be getting interrupted by our daughter - she has impecable timing - which led my mind to wonder whgat it would be like to be permanently interrupted and the dry straw blowing away sort of fit.

How's that?

huni · 05-30-2006, 09:23 PM

Fine. Better than fine. h.

J.R. MacLean · 05-30-2006, 10:39 PM

yes Danny, now that you've explained it, it makes perfect sense.

but then, the feeling of mysterious frustration on first reading was interesting.

would it to be better to just say 'my love's curls' or 'my wife's curls'?

I truly don't know. I'm facing the same issue in a recent work of my own.
cheers.

dannyboy · 05-30-2006, 10:55 PM

ta J.R. I was chatting with a work mate who also happens to be a well considered poet (bastard gets his works published by the book) and we were chatting about those poems that make us work. About association and stuff like that and abstraction as a device to lkead to understandin (like hiakus)

And at the moment I'm working with my students on using a set in a play as a symbolic device to trigger understanding rather than a literal set.

So out of those two things came this thing. I will not use 'love's' or 'wife's' just curls cos the peat curls and that curling of damp peat was my trigger.

Does that make sense?

zoya_brar · 05-30-2006, 11:59 PM

atleast more sense then it did before!

Syren · 05-31-2006, 01:59 AM

anyone inturrupted by the patter can relate to it danny, plus if your mind is constantly in the gutter... so yeah... I understood it well enough... hehe.

Nicely done, great lines, esp. L3... great stuff.

Cheers,

//Sy

J.R. MacLean · 05-31-2006, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dannyboy

ta J.R. I was chatting with a work mate who also happens to be a well considered poet (bastard gets his works published by the book) and we were chatting about those poems that make us work. About association and stuff like that and abstraction as a device to lkead to understandin (like hiakus)
yes association. Poets of a hundred or even fifty years ago had a common net of associations- the classic stories of literature and myth. Now there is no guarantee the reader has any familiarity with those. A reference to say, the movie Titanic might have a better chance of being understood.

And at the moment I'm working with my students on using a set in a play as a symbolic device to trigger understanding rather than a literal set.
symbolic is understanding through the heart and feelings
literal is through the head and knowledge
are we safe in saying that?

So out of those two things came this thing. I will not use 'love's' or 'wife's' just curls cos the peat curls and that curling of damp peat was my trigger.
yeah that makes perfect sense for you- and for me now that I understand. I have to tell you though, first time through, I wondered if that was where your dog was buried- because that was an association I had in my head from one of your earlier works.
Does that make sense?

Danny
if you have a moment, I'd appreciate your thoughts about
this old heart (

1 2) where some of the same issues have come up.

Is one simply writing out of the truth of one's experience (of course that's the starting point) ?
Should one also be writing to be understood? to have an effect on the reader?

Cearo · 05-31-2006, 01:03 PM

I understood the metaphor of the wet earth representing your wife--no explaination needed. This poem is short, sweet, with beautiful nature imagery. I like it. It reminded me of Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress." Except it's much shorter, and I assume your wife isn't saying no at the point of frustration.

dannyboy · 05-31-2006, 06:46 PM

thank you Sy, J.R.

and Cearo thank you

Danny.