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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
05-02-2006, 10:45 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 226
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For You
This is for you and the way you make me
want to write you love songs, even when I know it’s all been said,
and the way you grab my hand and make me love you,
With your velvet kisses made of light and stone
This is for you and your sunlight off the roof-tops
and your thousand golden alleys that will twist and climb to heaven,
and the way that you can lure me to see beauty
in shopping malls and old construction sites.
This is for you and the music of your cities,
Woven into magic in a chorus of your cabbies
with harmonies of horn and children’s laugh,
and the way that all your people know my name.
This is for you and your lonely red sand deserts
and your canyons and your mountains with their unexpected flowers,
and the way your landscapes echo with any tune I throw them
and your beaches painted blue and white with waves.
For you.
Last edited by voicesinmyhead : 05-03-2006 at 03:55 PM.
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05-02-2006, 11:21 PM
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#2
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Oregon
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,273
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Well, I thought this was really good, but after all the "this is for you"s, I started to feel like I was listening to a commercial for Budweiser. I think you could have really done it with just the initial "this is for you" in the title, and the poem itself be a list poem. Your examples are cool, and could stand stronger alone.
Lans
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05-03-2006, 12:05 AM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 226
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Heh. I guess I don't watch enough TV. That didn't even occur to me... I've tried revising it, but I worry that it ruins the beat. Question- did you have any idea about what/to whom this poem is written? I guess it's not really guessable, but there are a couple of clues out there. I was just a little curious.
Last edited by voicesinmyhead : 05-03-2006 at 12:22 AM.
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05-03-2006, 01:27 AM
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#4
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lingering in doorways...
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,659
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Heya voices 
A tribute to Him, yes? Or maybe Her? Well, to the capital pronoun of your distinction... that was how I saw it.
As such, I really enjoyed reading this one... and while gigi is a gigenius, I thought the "This buds for you" feeling was acceptable in this one... reflecting praise offered, appreciation and regard... very nicely done.
Is it meant as a prayer that takes place in a church? That's an image I pulled from the first few lines... the placement of the author... velvet kisses made of light and stone.
Very nice piece, if I am way off the mark then apologies! Hehehe. 
//Sy
__________________
* Poems *
- Back for a bit, more and less.
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05-03-2006, 02:25 AM
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#5
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Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 40
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How placid...
A comment for you.
__________________
"Hubert Cumberdale, you taste like soot and poo."
"Ooooh, that was a treat for the fingers."
"Do you not like my mouth words?"
"rusty kettle...(scratch scratch)... ooooaaaahhhh"
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05-03-2006, 11:25 AM
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#6
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 226
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Syren- Heh. I'm quite amused that it really did come across as a love poem. I do not write love poems. The poem is actually directed to Israel, in honor of Israeli Independence Day today. But I think I'm glad that it worked as a regular love song as well. Though I'm not quite sure how I would sing about my beloved's cities and landscapes.
Evanescence- Thanks, I think?
Last edited by voicesinmyhead : 05-03-2006 at 03:54 PM.
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05-03-2006, 12:51 PM
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#7
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Indiana
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,474
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I have some kind of occasional compulsion to identify songs and movies based on phrases and quotes. Unfortunately, when I connect the opening line of a poem with a song, I keep trying to sing the poem with the song's melody. This poem was one of those. I latched onto Judy Garland's, "You made me love you". Your poem was better than the lyrics to that song, but that's what happened.
You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad
You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do
Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you
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Last edited by gary_wagner : 05-03-2006 at 12:56 PM.
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05-03-2006, 05:56 PM
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#8
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lingering in doorways...
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,659
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lol... I guess love song is close to what I got from it.
What I meant from my post, was that it struck me as a prayer to god, a kind of thanks for all that the author has seen. It read like a thank you note to god for all the beauty in the world. At least, that's what I saw in it.
//Sy
__________________
* Poems *
- Back for a bit, more and less.
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05-03-2006, 06:00 PM
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#9
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 226
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Gary- ouch. Gosh, this thing is just full of unintentional allusions, innit?
Syren- Ah. Got it. That's a really cool interpretation. I like it almost as much as the one I intended.
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05-23-2006, 12:38 AM
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#10
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: May 2006
Location: New Delhi, India
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,384
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beautiful
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