Satan - Writers Forum

voicesinmyhead · 04-26-2006, 03:19 PM

I did not fall, but rather plunged.
A shooting star, I leapt to Earth.
I chose to reign. I could not serve.
I chose to burn so I could shine.

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff,
but always seems too long to go unloved.
And when you reign in Hell, you reign alone.

And sometimes as I sit, I think
if I should hear a Voice that said
“Repent and you shall be returned,”
Would I return just for a voice?

There are no voices down here in my Hell.
Just sad reflections staring up at me.
Not one recalls that Satan, too, is damned.

They say that Hades took a bride.
But how must it have burnt his heart
To see her count the days 'til spring
And know that spring comes not to hell?

I am no Hades. Hades was allowed
to go up to Olympus now and then.
I am no god. But nonetheless, I reign.

When Korah’s troop was swallowed up,
I rose to greet him at the door
and placed him in a private sphere.
He does not scream. He weeps instead.

But I am Satan. Satan cannot weep.
I sit alone, enthroned on lonely heights
made terrible by emptiness.

(vaguely inspired by Milton's Paradise Lost)

Daniel Malone · 04-26-2006, 03:58 PM

I like the concept but it needs more stanzas and a beat developed.

voicesinmyhead · 04-26-2006, 04:04 PM

Thanks for the advice. I really was writing this more as a free verse, very wandering thing, in about two minutes. More a character sketch than a whole poem. Maybe it's worth fleshing out....

MariusBonaparte · 04-26-2006, 06:02 PM

I think you should flesh this out. It looks primed and ready for it.

-Matt

DylanFan · 04-26-2006, 06:23 PM

had to look with that title

its got potental keep going id like to read some more

voicesinmyhead · 04-26-2006, 10:59 PM

Thanks, everyone. I've now re-posted a much longer thing, and would appreciate advice on whether the expansion is interesting, etc.

Thanks

FollowingShadow · 04-28-2006, 09:21 PM

I really like this piece. Good, even flow, deep character portrait. I'm not much for the technicalities of poems (a paradox, I'm sure), but the concept underlying the narrative, that sin should be forgiven, and Satan's pining for redemption really struck a chord with me. The first paragraph was the best, about his ambition being his tragic flaw, and how he is atoning for it even now.

Publishable? I wish I could say. I don't know enough about publishing to give a valid opinion. But I liked it. If that's enough, then go for it.

-FS

voicesinmyhead · 04-30-2006, 01:11 AM

FollowingShadow- Thanks so much!

Cold Twilight · 05-03-2006, 05:17 PM

Very nice flow and theme/story. And it is a beautiful poem. I like how you have it put together. I didn't see the original, but your revision would be worth publishing in the right market...

Very sad but beautiful...very beautiful.

Roth Carson · 05-03-2006, 06:39 PM

Your poem really surprised me, I thought it was excellent.

I'm a big fan of Paradise Lost, and what you've managed to do is add a new dimension to Satan's situation, one I'd certainly never considered. I particularly liked,

Quote:

I chose to burn so I could shine.

Very clever. I liked the metre and rhythm of the piece too.

My only contention is purely theoretical. I disagree with FollowingShadow, who wrote,

Quote:

... the concept underlying the narrative, that sin should be forgiven, and Satan's pining for redemption...

My reading of the poem is that Satan is suffering from the loneliness of his position, longs for company, and feels suffocated by who he is and what he can't do (e.g. "But I am Satan. Satan cannot weep"). If your meaning is more in line with FollowingShadow's interpretation, then I'd argue that, first, Satan (at least Milton's Satan) doesn't acknowledge that he has sinned. In his eyes, his insurrection has been just. The very reason God does not and cannot forgive Satan is that he hasn't repented for his deeds and sought atonement. Milton's Satan never wants redemption, and he never gives up.

My other thought is that Satan, at least in PL, isn't alone. 1/3 of the angels fell with him, and he has Sin and Death for company. But I suppose you could mean 'alone' in a more spiritual sense.

I like how you've depicted a Satan disillusioned with his struggle. It's fresh, but given Satan's pride and obduracy (probably his two most important attributes), it's not in line with my expectations of him as such.

Great work.

p.s. Everything I've said is concerned with Satan as a mythological, literary character.

voicesinmyhead · 05-03-2006, 07:00 PM

ColdTwilight- Thank you. Any ideas what market that might be?
Roth- Okay, well, the embaressing thing is that I have never read Paradise Lost. But once I proofread a friend's paper on the subject, and it quoted something about him being stuck in ice created from his own beating wings, and I just got this incredible image of Satan being trapped by his own sin and his own stubborn-ness. It's very lonely to be on top, and I should think that that would be all the more the case when you're supposed to be the embodiment of Evil. I didn't really see Satan as looking for redemption- just that he's so lonely and desperate that he might give in. I'm afraid I don't know him (the Milton him, that is) well enough to decide whether he would or would not be in line with this portrayal. I also think that this is the sort of thing that he would only think deep down inside, and not admit even to himself sort of thing. I don't think he's sorry, because he would never have accepted mediocrity, but I think he's realizing the hellishness of his decision.

Syren · 05-03-2006, 10:02 PM

Heh, I dug it voices... very nice. Great idea btw... the theme here is well done and well dev'd. All you need is a line mentioning Ozzy and your set

Great stuff!

//Sy

Cold Twilight · 05-04-2006, 12:45 PM

Unfortunately...no. I will research however, if you like...?

voicesinmyhead · 05-04-2006, 01:14 PM

That'd be awesome. I have no clue about publishing...tend to have enough trouble with the writing part ; )

cacafire · 05-10-2006, 12:28 PM

Boy, roth, for a second I thought you had gone of the deep end.

Still, you said everything for me. Voices, it's a good poem, and I can't see myself acknowledging good poetry, so it must really be good.

-Cacafire