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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-21-2006, 10:21 AM
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#1
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Everett, Washington
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,650
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Your Love is My Salvation
The path I have walked these past few years seemed dark and brooding.
A man with a tattered torn heart that had nothing to his name.
Life seemed hopeless, clouds of dispair clinging like cellophane. And yet, here I am - Your love is my salvation.
I had vowed that I wouldn't love again.
I had vowed that I wouldn't cry again.
I had vowed that I would't find anyone to take me in, but love always has a way of settling in.
Yet, you doubt the feelings I have for you. Maybe it is because I am cautious, frightened to open the door and let you fully in.
Your love is my salvation.
Beaten down upon the rocks of life.
Tattered and torn with burden strife
I want you more than words can say, my heart yearns your healing ways.
The touch of your fingers upon my face. The warmth of your breath upon my skin. The kiss that only lovers know is what calls me to love you more.
Your love is my salvation.
My world - though darkened and stained - I wish for you to take my hand.
Teach me how to love again.
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02-21-2006, 11:36 AM
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#2
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: UK
Gender: Female
Posts: 75
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I thought it was very nice and you got the message through without clouding it with too much description.
The only line I'm not sure about is " I had vowed that I wouldn't love again." sounds a little cliche to me...but I can't really talk, I cannot write love poems without them sounding cliche.
Good job 
__________________
~…to know that what you are doing is hurting you, maybe killing you, and to be afraid of the fact -- but to cling to the idea that this will save you, it will, in the end, make things okay. – Wasted by Marya Hornbacher ~
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02-21-2006, 11:47 AM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
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Wow. I had some trouble getting my head around the format but after that I can't think of anything that bothered me. It flows well, catches the reader's attention, and clearly communicates the intent in a way that is beautiful and downright refreshing in its own way. Thanks for sharing!
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
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02-21-2006, 02:19 PM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Nth Co Dublin, Ireland
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,315
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Hey SGW,
Its so simple and lovely. A lot of the time I have trouble with how poems get too caught up in using expressions to elaborate rather than words.
This is truly lovely.
Lorlie
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02-21-2006, 03:25 PM
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#5
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Everett, Washington
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,650
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Thank you everyone for your comments. I don't give myself over to poems very often, but sometimes, it is a relief to write something that is simple and expressive.
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