Cracking Branches - Writers Forum

talknerdytome · 02-20-2006, 01:46 PM

Branches cracking the sky in half as they move closer,

Moving further away from the blanket of earth beneath it,

Leaves rattling within the wind as if directed by an amateur composer,

Tiny fragments of the past hang from the great branches waiting for you to quit,

They surrender to the unrecoverable world beneath them and tumble through the air,

Newborn fragments glisten against the dampened mist,

Knowing that they will soon be cut away from the audience unaware,

That the hope they had found could never persist,

When the world they were trying to push through was endless,

The roots had buried themselves under your grave,

And where going to push themselves through your success,

Leaving it broken and empty with the roots shackling you as its slave.

J.R. MacLean · 02-20-2006, 05:31 PM

Hello talkner: This is kinda all over the place and very wordy. I think you have to decide exactly what you want to say, zero in on the feeling or experience you are writing out of, and just say that. Left justification is easier to read. A completed thought or feeling may merit a new stanza break. Good poets make every word and line contribute to the whole. It is only out of such discipline that beauty and power can arise. good luck!

103_smalls · 02-21-2006, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J.R. MacLean

Hello talkner: This is kinda all over the place and very wordy. I think you have to decide exactly what you want to say, zero in on the feeling or experience you are writing out of, and just say that. Left justification is easier to read. A completed thought or feeling may merit a new stanza break. Good poets make every word and line contribute to the whole. It is only out of such discipline that beauty and power can arise. good luck!

yes. agreed.

talknerdytome · 02-21-2006, 11:38 AM

Thanks for all your comments. It probably would have been easier if I had put a clearer title on my work, it's about eating disorders, anorexia mainly.