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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-20-2006, 01:24 PM
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#1
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Best Seller
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Catalunya, Spain
Gender: Female
Posts: 529
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Empty Promise
And the vows, my love,
they weren’t enough
to preserve what remained
of this sacred trust.
Did I depend too much on
words deemed as love
to weather the storms that
eroded our bond--
the promise to be true
“till death do us part”?
I guess not!
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02-20-2006, 01:36 PM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Sailing the darkness of the Cosmos with this planet as my vessel
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,470
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What a poem. What a poem. I feel the sadness in this poem, and I can feel the pain. A lost love in your life. I know that feeling. That's what I got out of this work. Very good job. Hope to see more.
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02-20-2006, 05:17 PM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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Eleda: This starts out as a serious, even profound rumination on betrayal and heartbreak. My feeling is it should go on. The ending, amiga mia, feels like a cop out. imo there's much more to be said. namaste.
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02-20-2006, 06:23 PM
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#4
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Best Seller
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Catalunya, Spain
Gender: Female
Posts: 529
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Oasis, if you read this again, thank you for the kind comment.
JR, precisely, my dear, it is a cop out...if i continued with more, then it would end up sounding like a rant. What do you think?
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02-20-2006, 06:27 PM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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what begins as a profound rumination is likely to end as one also. Only moreso. Try it. Stay with it. See what comes out. Buena suerte.
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02-20-2006, 06:32 PM
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#6
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: lost in the sonoran desert
Gender: Private
Posts: 795
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ooh, that last line is bitter in my mouth! such flowing beauty and then, a smack in the head and an open mouth. wow. nice job with the emotion, eleda. thanks for the spontaneity!
__________________
"Words have no power to impress the mind with the exquisite horror of their reality." -Edgar Allan Poe
***
Creative Scribblings - a collection of odds and ends
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