death is fresh - Writers Forum

salvothasock · 02-17-2006, 01:12 AM

Jolly treat. Jolly so so so so so so so very much so
Teeth white as white even as snow
Grinding down low low even as low as snow
Sparks shoot spit spurt fly squirt from metal caps
Death to all! Tonight we fight to stay alive!
Death to those who don’t stand a chance!
Give life to those who don’t fight for life!
Death is the grim choice for those in candid despair
Candid characters in closets coping with despair
And madness and candid bureaucracy
Just to stare into the blank stare of yours truly
Would it be fair to say or not as fair as you
Might be
Death
Death is the start, of some fresh
Do not know start from finish
Death is fresh from the start

Death is fresh
021706

gohn67 · 02-17-2006, 04:25 AM

hey salvo,
I'm always fascinated by your style of poetry. Just something a bit different from what I'm used to seeing.

Interesting use of repetition of words and sounds that sound kind of similar.

Have you ever read anything by Gertrude Stein? Her poems read similar to yours. She focuses a lot on repetition and sound and rhythm.

Here's one of her poems-
http://www.csar.uiuc.edu/~jferry/ran...usieasado.html

teflon · 02-17-2006, 05:42 AM

Yes, easy to see how Stein influenced Hemingway.

Marcellen · 02-17-2006, 09:55 AM

very different from what I normally read....a breath of fresh and difficult air.

I'm liking the assonance throughout the poem...great quality in a writer.

for the last line try this: Death is the start, of something fresh
Do not know start from finish
Death is fresh from the start

that's it....your choice...great read!

salvothasock · 02-17-2006, 07:13 PM

gohn, thank you for the kind words, hmm never read any of g steins stuff, i like it though, thanks again sir

marcellen, aha, thank you miss, no, maybe ill think about it, seems too clean,

teflon, hemingway eh?

teflon · 02-18-2006, 01:05 PM

Hemingway was in Paris when Stein lived there, and attended parties that she made for American expatriates during which she read her poetry.

02-18-2006, 01:31 PM

teflong hemingway?

salvo stein?

laced with arsenic lines througout.

as always,

as ever,

as usual,

an excellent read.

vodka

teflon · 02-18-2006, 01:41 PM

What a wonderful impromptu poetry. You got the Stein spirit. Her girlfriend, Alice Toklas, drove men crazy with envy, or they were jealous of Stein of keeping Toklas all to herself.