emphibian

hello everyone. this one's called Exit.
would love to hear your comments on it.
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submerged is the dweller an intricate nomad who books every cumbersome pest
that he struggles and fathoms, a weak signal sent, his Pluto a puzzling pest.

that days would be led a political stance, in the sea we shan’t live with the pest?
sour does the years that would poison the future, we should scurry and strongly detest.

oh, but I’ve pyramid answers, and woven a sweater, should we argue the questioning pest?
since the ink would resolve melts a carbon to place are we meticulous to further our test?

lay a carpet of desert and scourge what we could, is your condition still terminal pest?
a hunching of bones do not stir me away, I know well of your intricate hoax.

alas I fathom beyond as I trudge and I crawl and I morph, bypass guilt as a pest.
were we sure of the liars, the thieves and the pious save the sanctity opus of death?

that I dreamt of a rusted red field slowly prancing it tilts which became my atrocity pest
this became a desire, a spell without power, deceit! I’m aware of it’s trance.

but I hired a liar who had lived in my fracture, nothing but feed and would morph me, a pest?
had I changed for the future, was I saved back within still an unborn of symbiote truth?

the plug was detached that had planted me there, save a few I was lost, made a pest.
and a useless transporter, and a brain for a liar
had I known, was my future, a pest.
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thanks for reading.

__________________
how insensitive.

EvenlySpaced

this was the stongest part, I thought. It felt like an awakening from a dream, suddenly addressing the "pest" that the whole poem was talking so much about. However, I think as a whole this poem would be stronger if it wasn't constantly using the word "pest". I can somehow see it being a little better if the poem was called "pest", but still I think a little variety would be nice. Also, the rhyme scheme that only lasted a few lines was confusing. If you do that, I would think of some way to seperate them from the rest of the poem, as in a different format like a unified stanza or something.

Anyway, I really liked this and was captivated by your writing style. I actually have read it twice today, because I didn't quite follow it the first time.

emphibian

hey evenly spaced.

thank you for reading. this poem follows the structure of a ghazal (though i may not have done justice to the form itself) hence the reason for the repetition in the word 'pest'.

thanks for your feedback, much appreciated.

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how insensitive.