salvothasock

Tired, of, not knowing when the time is right
I feel, like some neurotic, some narcissistic,
badgering blech of something horrid and most foul.
So, I went to the movies, and I saw this movie
where a young girl meets the man of her dreams
And it was a nice idea, but for me, no, I can't,
it was so unbelievable, I couldn't stomach it.
I went with my girlfriend, if you want to call her that,
actually, we've been going out for five months,
I've just recently started to have sexual indifferences
with her. We do not connect. Sorry, it's not that
I don't find her attractive. I do. I really do. It's just
that I can't find myself getting aroused when all
she does is talk during the entire process. Shoot,
process? Did I just say process? I sound like some
unbelievable ninny. Yes, yes, she talks through
sex. And it doesn't have anything to do with
the current task at hand. Oh shoot, task? I must
sound so foolish. I can't talk about sex. It's just
too much for me. She likes to talk about books while
we have sex. She likes to figure out what she
wants for supper while we have sex. She'll talk
about her muffler on her Volvo becoming too loud
and obnoxious. Sometimes I feel a little tired, and
I just can't seem to ask myself if this is the one.
She's a wonderful person, don't get me wrong, I
love her to death. Although after we die, I'm sure
I'll find someone else. I don't know. What do you
think, should I confront her, and ask her if she
really wants to spend the next year with a
skeleton? I plan on being dead by the way. She
drives me absolutely bananas. But I love her.

~inspired by the wonderful Woody Allen

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purple junk diluted iguana infested snarkleberries hungry traveller

ms. vodka

oh salvo.

you keep pumpin' em out and i'll keep reading.

deal?

so, you going to tell me what's with all the commas in this one?

vodka

g.f.whitney

First of all, I love the woody allen reference. Secondly, i like the flow of this piece - very narrative, very nice thought-pattern. However, a bit difficult to read due to the lack of spacing. That large of a block of text is always tough - and I hope it's not my eyes going already, but I'd like to see more paragraphic structure. Other than that, great poem - very moving!

-g.f.whitney

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"If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them."

salvothasock

ahh,
ms v, deal. same goes with you as well eh? thee commas? it is meant to act as a lot of start and stops in his own voice. hes very clumsy. perhaps, i shall rethink it.

gf, thank you. glad you liked it. all in favor of removing commas? say yay, all not, say nay... jk

- andy

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purple junk diluted iguana infested snarkleberries hungry traveller