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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-11-2006, 07:18 PM
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#1
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Maryland
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,113
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Sonnet on Saint Valentine's Day
If I should get a card, received this way:
discovered in the mail or lain atop
my desk, that evil February day
would seem a far more fruitful winter crop.
I dreamt once, dreamt of finding love to last,
but not in gaudy cards and candy hearts--
I found my romance in the books of past,
and music in the voices of the arts.
But dreams are often wrong, and that was one
which almost made me laugh. And to be true,
those books were meant to read, and I to run
into some kind of romance; into you.
For now I'll wish for that which could be mine,
feasting upon a fleeting Valentine.
__________________
The Palace Flophouse
When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.
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02-12-2006, 10:42 AM
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#2
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WF Supporter!
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Vancouver - Canada
Posts: 8,904
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Beautiful! You really slay me with your sonnets.
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02-12-2006, 11:55 AM
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#3
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me too.
le sigh.
le pitter pat.
i can't wait until she comes along, achilles... just so we can all read the poetry that is the result of you finding her...
vodka
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02-12-2006, 12:33 PM
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#4
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Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 24
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Damn, fitting something so beautiful into such a rigid form. Wonderful, love the simple diction and the rhymes.
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02-12-2006, 06:34 PM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Maryland
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,113
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Thanks guys. I find that my sonnets are the most successful, and I wish my strengths were in other areas. Oh, well. 
__________________
The Palace Flophouse
When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.
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02-12-2006, 06:47 PM
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#6
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
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Wow. I know about zero when it comes to sonnets, but I still appreciate structured poetry. This is quite beautiful.
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02-13-2006, 03:10 AM
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#7
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Diego, CA
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
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I was inspired by Achilles to write a valentine's day sonnet, so here we go! (ps, this is meant as praise - i have little talent for sonnetry. Great poem, Achilles!)
Ascent
A bed, made fresh - but not yet taken root
as man and girl prepare a heart-felt kiss
that tender, but most frivolous of loot -
but without which, these lovers soon would miss.
A scene seen once, but never twice, untold
as pillows fight, and mirrors lack a light -
the bed sheets sit, and neatly back they fold,
as girl prepares for man, without the light -
the man, mere boy, emerges, innocent
but ready, primed, and loaded, for ascent.
G.F. Whitney
__________________
"If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them."
-Isaac Asimov
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02-13-2006, 04:32 PM
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#8
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,240
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Excellent as usual. Thanks for the read.
__________________
Ruthless comments encouraged!
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02-13-2006, 05:26 PM
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#9
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
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great job and very timely.
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
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02-13-2006, 05:39 PM
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#10
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,240
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Upon reading a second time, I don't like this part:
Quote:
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dreamt of finding love to last,
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It seems as close to a cliche as one can allow and seems out of place in a sonnet as this.
__________________
Ruthless comments encouraged!
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02-13-2006, 05:43 PM
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#11
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Maryland
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,113
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It was supposed to be a cliched theme; to dream of perfect (if not cliched) love. I don't know if that makes any sense.
But yes, I understand what you're saying. I think my meaning may be clearer if I change that.
__________________
The Palace Flophouse
When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.
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02-13-2006, 06:04 PM
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#12
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,826
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Great Sonnet, it was fun to read. Just wanted to say that. Not sure how you do the iambic so well, drove me nuts when I tried to write a sonnet that one time.
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02-13-2006, 06:10 PM
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#13
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Maryland
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,113
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by gohn67
Not sure how you do the iambic so well, drove me nuts when I tried to write a sonnet that one time.
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I speak it.  No really, try speaking it or writing everything in it for a day. Or write tons of blank verse. Either way, you'll naturally fall towards it whenever you write.
Though it does get me in trouble sometimes when I try to write free verse. 
__________________
The Palace Flophouse
When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.
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