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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-11-2006, 11:24 AM
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#1
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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vast pebbled moonscape
vast pebbled moonscape,
brown hills writhing under sky:
a lone horseman rides.
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02-11-2006, 01:40 PM
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#2
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: lost in the sonoran desert
Gender: Private
Posts: 795
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oooh, what a provocative verb, "writhing" is here. also, love the image of a moonscape... that fits so well. beautifully rendered. fortunate gradiation
__________________
"Words have no power to impress the mind with the exquisite horror of their reality." -Edgar Allan Poe
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Creative Scribblings - a collection of odds and ends
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02-11-2006, 09:17 PM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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thanks mjk transverse pineapples
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02-11-2006, 09:41 PM
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#4
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio, Tx
Gender: Male
Posts: 784
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Dunno about this one JR. I'm not sure whether you're talking about a literal moonscape with astronauts or a part of the desert so barren it seems like the surface of the moon. If that's the case, what would the lone rider be doing out there? Surely he's not ridin' an' ropin' and punchin' the cattle.
__________________
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens
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02-11-2006, 09:50 PM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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JB: the actual image is of an otherworldly portion of this world. though 'moonscape' fits the image, I was taking the chance of being misunderstood. High stakes haiku, I reckon. Thanks for commenting.
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02-12-2006, 12:55 AM
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#6
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 407
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Rofl, high stakes haiku.
The word 'moonscape' just rolled right by me on my first read. I had to scroll down a bit to catch what was up. It makes sense at a glance b/c the second and third lines are perfectly clear. Anyways, good job on this. How long did it take you?
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02-12-2006, 11:19 AM
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#7
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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shadow: this one was pretty quick. With practice, they seem to come more easily, though struggle and revision are always possible up until posting. thanks alot for stopping by.
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