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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 02-11-2006, 11:24 AM   #1
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vast pebbled moonscape

vast pebbled moonscape,
brown hills writhing under sky:
a lone horseman rides.
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Old 02-11-2006, 01:40 PM   #2
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oooh, what a provocative verb, "writhing" is here. also, love the image of a moonscape... that fits so well. beautifully rendered. fortunate gradiation
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Old 02-11-2006, 09:17 PM   #3
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thanks mjk transverse pineapples
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Old 02-11-2006, 09:41 PM   #4
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Dunno about this one JR. I'm not sure whether you're talking about a literal moonscape with astronauts or a part of the desert so barren it seems like the surface of the moon. If that's the case, what would the lone rider be doing out there? Surely he's not ridin' an' ropin' and punchin' the cattle.
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Old 02-11-2006, 09:50 PM   #5
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JB: the actual image is of an otherworldly portion of this world. though 'moonscape' fits the image, I was taking the chance of being misunderstood. High stakes haiku, I reckon. Thanks for commenting.
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Old 02-12-2006, 12:55 AM   #6
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Rofl, high stakes haiku.

The word 'moonscape' just rolled right by me on my first read. I had to scroll down a bit to catch what was up. It makes sense at a glance b/c the second and third lines are perfectly clear. Anyways, good job on this. How long did it take you?
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Old 02-12-2006, 11:19 AM   #7
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shadow: this one was pretty quick. With practice, they seem to come more easily, though struggle and revision are always possible up until posting. thanks alot for stopping by.
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