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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-10-2006, 02:46 PM
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#1
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: lost in the sonoran desert
Gender: Private
Posts: 795
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holes in soles
two men sat and laughed
scoffed at time as it passed and
left holes in their soles.
__________________
"Words have no power to impress the mind with the exquisite horror of their reality." -Edgar Allan Poe
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Creative Scribblings - a collection of odds and ends
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02-11-2006, 01:23 AM
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#2
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio, Tx
Gender: Male
Posts: 784
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mjk,
I kinda like this one. Despite the spelling, it suggests that time could also leave holes in their souls.
Jimbob
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The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens
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02-11-2006, 02:19 AM
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#3
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: lost in the sonoran desert
Gender: Private
Posts: 795
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thanks jimbob. i definitely wanted that double meaning in there. but in the actual picture i was creating this from, one of the men does have holes in the soles of his shoes.  thanks for coming to read and telling me you liked it.
__________________
"Words have no power to impress the mind with the exquisite horror of their reality." -Edgar Allan Poe
***
Creative Scribblings - a collection of odds and ends
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02-11-2006, 02:52 AM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 407
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This poem was the essence of short and sweet; it has magnificent flow for a haiku, a brilliant touch. It gave me something to pore over. It's petite, but it made such a picture in my mind.
Last edited by FollowingShadow : 02-11-2006 at 02:55 AM.
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02-11-2006, 11:17 AM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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whoops. Commented on this yesterday and must have pushed the wrong button (again). reads nicely and captures much of the spirit of the image, but overall I found it kinda bland. present tense is usually better in haiku, but maybe this was a deliberate choice on your part due to subject matter. I also feel that the stone wall and the age of the men are pretty important elements missing here.
interesting how perspectives can differ, eh? nocturnal spasmodic tesseracts
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02-11-2006, 01:25 PM
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#6
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Best Seller
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Just east of Toronto,Ont, Canada
Gender: Female
Posts: 728
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Ha, that is a sweet one. I have something funny to send you along these lines of sole mates
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I know I need a sig, I have not come up with anything profound enough so until then....
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02-11-2006, 04:10 PM
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#7
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WF Supporter!
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Vancouver - Canada
Posts: 8,904
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Very good word play here.
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