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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 02-10-2006, 02:42 PM   #1
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Red Face

This is my first attempt at haiku. I'm happy if I even got the number of syllables right.


Red face riddled with
myriad bumps of despair.
Amputated soul.

or...

Red face riddled with
myriad bumps of despair,
hidden in shadows.


I couldn't decide on the last line.

-Buddy.
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Old 02-10-2006, 06:08 PM   #2
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I like the second last line better, it seems to go more with the other two lines
Just my two cents
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:05 PM   #3
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I agree, second ending is the better of the two
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