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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-10-2006, 01:03 PM
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#1
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,552
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Snowflakes
Deleted. Thanks for the comments.
__________________
"Just remember, wherever you are, that's what time it is." - eggo
"I write in bed. Afterwards, I offer my laptop a cigarette." - Jolly McJollyson
Last edited by silverwriter : 02-07-2007 at 05:47 PM.
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02-10-2006, 03:14 PM
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#2
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: lost in the sonoran desert
Gender: Private
Posts: 795
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this is beautiful and quite evocative. leaves me feeling very sad, hollow and yet defiant.
i love this:
Quote:
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drifting lazily, like torn up angel wings
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__________________
"Words have no power to impress the mind with the exquisite horror of their reality." -Edgar Allan Poe
***
Creative Scribblings - a collection of odds and ends
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02-10-2006, 03:26 PM
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#3
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Sailing the darkness of the Cosmos with this planet as my vessel
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,470
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Very good work. Very sad poem. The last two lines are the most powerful to me. Makes me think of many things in my own life and helps me compare this poem to myself. Very good work, nothing that picked at my brain that I saw was wrong. Great work. And just because I'm that stupid, I'm going to post something, below here.
Last edited by Oasis Writer : 02-11-2006 at 03:41 PM.
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02-10-2006, 03:36 PM
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#4
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Sailing the darkness of the Cosmos with this planet as my vessel
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,470
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lol - Tell me when you want it gone, lol. That is what I thought of with your poem, very good work. So just post something like, "Oasis, delete that shit because I said so, and I'll drop it." lol Sorry Jamie *hugs*
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02-10-2006, 10:06 PM
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#5
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Posts: 561
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very nice and ethereal like a snowflake is.
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02-11-2006, 08:26 AM
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#6
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
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Sad and beautiful at the same time, I love the analogy of snow flakes and torn up angels wings. Nicely done.
Psychohugs
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
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02-11-2006, 10:47 AM
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#7
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,934
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silver: I agree with all of the above. It's lovely, balanced and sad. Nice work. cheers.
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02-11-2006, 05:28 PM
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#8
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,552
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mjk - thank you. i was walking on my way to class and it was snowing these big, fluffy snowflakes and that thought sprang to mind.
oasis - *big hugs* no problem. was a lovely snowflake. thanks for commenting.
burnz - thank you very much for reading and commenting.
psyman - psychohugs! hehe. thank you very much for commenting.
jr - thanks for stopping by. always appreciated *hugs*
*hugs*
jaime
__________________
"Just remember, wherever you are, that's what time it is." - eggo
"I write in bed. Afterwards, I offer my laptop a cigarette." - Jolly McJollyson
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02-11-2006, 06:06 PM
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#9
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,549
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I lilke the images it gives but mainly what I saw was the not wanting to reach out or not feeling good about it - trying to melt away from life and implying troubles or pain in the background
Nice work Jaime
__________________
*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) 
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln
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02-12-2006, 02:02 PM
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#10
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,552
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mark - bang on. glad to know the images and emotions conveyed were clear to you. thanks for the comments.
*hugs*
jaime
__________________
"Just remember, wherever you are, that's what time it is." - eggo
"I write in bed. Afterwards, I offer my laptop a cigarette." - Jolly McJollyson
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