salvothasock

Every passing day
get out of bed
to see only grey
I sing my song
all day long
'this is my rifle
she is mine
this is my rifle
to do or die'

Walk downtown
to the square
setup shop,
live rounds
eating air

-two things inspired this wonderful topic... *ahem* one, my brother is in iraq, two, continuing teenage violence

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purple junk diluted iguana infested snarkleberries hungry traveller

MariusBonaparte

Nice Salvo. Short and poignant. It really seems that not only has being a teenager become a disturbing emotional battlefield, but one where guns are now being brandished in schools.

Jimbob

Hi Andy,
I thought this had a bit of a military ring to it. I kinda like the last stanza - as if going out to town to kill or be killed has become so routine it's just another job.

Jimbob

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The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

Sigg

I liked it, and this part reminded me of Full Metal Jacket

where they are marching with their guns singing "This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for fighting and this is for fun"

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slayerofangels

I like it, and the end of the poem really sticks with you. Great work!

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For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.

Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

ms. vodka

nice, sir.

i think it's strong enough to drop the second stanza, even, which isn't as strong as the first.

but as always, you are the master of images.

vodka

gigi

Andy,

I like the line about the rounds eating the air. I also wouldn't cut any of it. I think it is cool to see this length, it all works. But I see jen's perspective.

Lans

J.R. MacLean

scary stuff Andy, well done. I too think 'eating air' is a real good ending. cheers

salvothasock

wow, thanks peeps!

marius, it is a national crisis, i'm selfish but, i'm glad i graduated all in one piece. thank you.

jimbob, thanks so much, aye, i was going for the military-ish sounding theme. why else would anyone need a machine gun anyways? yes, the deer population is one thing. but... thanks sir

sigg, an excellent film imo. thank you for stoppin by

slayer, much appreciated,

ms V, ahhh... i bow, i am glad you thought highly of this, ill think about the last part. thanks v

gigi, my favorite portland girl! wait, ms v's from there too aye? happy to see you like this one, thank you gigli

jrmac, things are out of control, thats certain, thanks sir

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purple junk diluted iguana infested snarkleberries hungry traveller