Spazola

My heart and soul, cast out into the cold.
How can you just disappear after so many years?
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
You pulled me in far too deep.
I want you home, to be with me.
Just like the way it should be.

J.R. MacLean

Spaz

You've got to give the reader a lot more in a short poem: imagery, emotion, something we can relate to and sink our teeth into. this comes across as superficial, cliche ridden whining. no need to thank me for sugar coating it for you.

Spazola

LOL.

I wrote this a long time ago (I was probably 10 or 11), before I was really into writing. I don't know much about writing short poems, since this is the only one I've ever written, so that's why I posted it.

Now I know a little more. Thanks!

__________________

And she screamed,
"Claudio! Dear Claudio!
I wish, god dammit,
we'll make it if you believe..."