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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 02-04-2006, 04:00 AM   #1
mjk
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eight black lettered shapes

eight black lettered shapes
eclipse the white heights in sight
there are no grey sounds
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Old 02-04-2006, 10:09 AM   #2
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mjk: it's marvelous the different dimensions you manage to bring in, compared to my more literal minded effort. Haunting last line throws me into that quiet space that haiku can be a gateway to. starboard prophecies
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Old 02-04-2006, 10:28 AM   #3
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Very nice mjk you are on the train full speed.
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Old 02-04-2006, 02:06 PM   #4
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thank you both for coming to read and your comments.

i worked on this one for a loooong time last night and i am quite satisfied with it. it looks nothing like the original one i composed. i wanted to capture the image in the book, but also wanted to focus on the emotion it gave me. i think that's the most difficult part to haiku... capturing an image and evoking a feeling, in seventeen syllables. never has it been more apparent to me that every word, in the right order, is vital. i don't know what it was about this picture, but it struck me, really hard upside the head, perhaps the contrast of the black and white (and the ocean of snow) and so much white space. i felt like the whiteness filled me and the black served to pique my awareness that the white was so there, hence "there are no grey sounds." sorry i'm babbling, but this one really got me thinking and feeling and it's the first haiku that i'm proud of so far.

your reads are much, much, much appreciated guys!!
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Old 02-04-2006, 02:11 PM   #5
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you're cute when you babble...
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Old 02-04-2006, 05:49 PM   #6
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Cool, definitely on a par with the other Haiku you wrote that I read. Way cool! And I certainly identify with what you were saying in your 'babbling'. It's exactly perfect.
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