Oasis Writer

From the start,
you took my breath.
My soul was so full of love.
In those days,
life was easy.
There was you,
breathing and loving you.
I was sure I could live,
foever in your eyes.
A moment with you,
was a lifetime,
of love.
No one could dare ask more.
For now,
I will forever be a changed man.
Now that I lost my angel,
my soul lays broken,
on the rocks.
Where do I go?
Walking the streets.
A ghost.
One day just like the last.
For I can not,
find a way,
to fix that which is,
no longer there now.

__________________

silverwriter

first, i'll go into the technical bits of stuff. you can usually tell who copies and pastes from a word processor because all of the lines start with an uppercase letter. after that, there is punctuation. a good idea anyway, but i think it would be of especially great use in this piece to give appropriate pauses and emphasize certain lines. breaks can do that too, but that is just a personal preference and might not work for you.

now, the poem itself. this is very emotional and powerful. especially the last lines. they just tear at the heart a bit. very sorrowful, very lost. i love it.

*hugs*

jaime

__________________

Oasis Writer

Hey Jaime, thank you very much for reading my poem. I appreciate all the critics and advice, and your opinion on this. It really helps. Thankz *hugs*

__________________

Blackhawk_t

Hey dude....this is probably one of the best one's you've written. I would do like silverwriter say's and put some punctuation and spacing in it. But that's just me. I give it...

*kisses*

__________________

Oasis Writer

lol - Thanks for readin' it Blackhawk, I appreciate it. I really do.

*hugs and kisses*

__________________