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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-03-2006, 01:12 PM
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#1
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Diego, CA
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
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First Sound
First Sound
Hearing a voice
for the first
time
as if, instead
of speaking,
shouted
across the valley,
echoing through
and through
my
mind.
G.F. Whitney
__________________
"If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them."
-Isaac Asimov
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02-03-2006, 02:19 PM
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#2
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Maryland
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,113
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Poetically, this was a great piece; I enjoyed it thoroughly. You left it very interpretive. However, I think you may have left it too ambiguous. I thought of myriad meanings for the words, but you didn't even present one as your choice. What meaning were you thinking of when you wrote this?
Cheers
Achilles
__________________
The Palace Flophouse
When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.
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02-03-2006, 03:21 PM
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#3
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Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Coronado, CA
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
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I loved this poem! The form, shape, and general construction of the poem is great, as well as the simple message - beautiful.
xoxo -Anne
__________________
Live every moment, laugh every day, and... LOVE beyond words...
- (unknown)
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02-03-2006, 03:32 PM
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#4
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Addict
Join Date: Jan 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 190
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Echoing through and through my mind is brilliant and it will take much for me to forget it. That being said, and seeing that the comments thus far have been positive, I didn't find much else in this poem.
Thanks
Chris
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02-04-2006, 06:54 PM
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#5
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Diego, CA
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
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Well, I hate to interpret my own poetry, but in this case I'll cooperate. The sound is that of the first words of an infant - and the inability to forget that moment, as it echoes through and through your mind. Hope this helps!
-G.F. Whitney
__________________
"If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them."
-Isaac Asimov
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