Psycho6058

The first time that I saw her my heart skipped a beat,
a single mom who had a little baby that was sweet.
We worked together in a store on twenty-second street,
and instantly I knew that we just had to meet.

I asked her if she’d like to maybe go out for a ride,
she said she would, and soon she was sitting by my side.
I couldn’t keep my eyes off her however hard I tried.
I had no way of knowing she would soon be my bride.

It didn’t last forever; the best things never do,
but I still have my memories, and some pictures of her too.
I always feel those old days are much better than the new,
I had my health, I had my youth, but mostly I had you.

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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

slayerofangels

I love the rhyme in this piece and the last verse really stays with you...

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For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.

Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

cbaird14

I am one who appreciates a solid rhyme, and you have most definately taken on quite the task with this one. I thought that a few sections could be tightened up, the rhyme seemed to have taken the reins. I think if you were to look it over and tweak it you would feel the same way.
Thanks

Chris

Jimbob

Wayne,
Nice piece of work - interesting rhyme scheme, maybe a little cliched in places, but Ok. The only thing that really jangles is the abrupt move from third person to second person in the last line.

Jimbob

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The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

Psycho6058

Thank you all--
JimBob- that change from 3rd person to 2nd person was intentional as this was written for a specific person and the last line was inteneded to catch their attention.

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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

silverwriter

aw, this is nice. i really like "I had no way of knowing she would soon be my bride." it's amazing when you look back and smile at just how much you didn't know.

so you wrote this for someone? excuse me while i turn into a puddle. just kidding, but this is utterly sweet. "but mostly I had you." that's just lovely.

*hugs, hugs, hugs*

jaime

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Psycho6058

Thanks jaime, I needed that extra hug. LOL

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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke