Question...can this be figured out? - Writers Forum

Cold Twilight · 02-02-2006, 07:28 PM

Moonrise 'gainst a crimson sky...
What evils have we wrought here?
Tears in the fountain, unheeded; why?
Voices from the past; a warning...

Will we rise again, after so long,
We bearers of destruction?
Will we perceive right from wrong,
Is our morality unquestioned?

Will we rise on our silver wings
And plot the course of future days?
Or do we listen to a sad spring that sings
Of sorrows learned not so long past...

Sparkling water drops falling...
Sunlight's natural prism, turned red
Red against a wounded sky; calling...
Calling out that sad-learned warning.

Deadly precision, deathless, unyielding.
No Pheonix's fire this...not ever.
Grey sands of time unshielding;
Too few have learned the lesson.

Thoughts unformed, bits of mist,
No remembrance to place the risk.
Like knife blade 'cross yielding wrist,
Do we surrender to ill-fated choice?

thamior · 05-02-2006, 08:36 PM

war? I liked it though, it was very vivd and flowed well.

Cold Twilight · 05-03-2006, 12:15 PM

Yeah, something like that...I'm not sure I understand it, and I'm the one who wrote it! lol Glad you liked it and thanks for looking at it.

Oasis Writer · 05-03-2006, 12:22 PM

It wasn't too hard, I got war as well, but then you said I'm not sure, so I'm trippin'

Good work, nice read.

Cold Twilight · 05-03-2006, 12:42 PM

Thanks! lol If everyone's getting war, I guess that's what it is...

Especially if I decided to title it Armageddon...lol

Syren · 05-03-2006, 05:48 PM

I got war too... lol... though it could easily be tweaked slightly and made to represent a contemplation of abortion... or perhaps a woman 'flowering' for the first time. Something about it spoke to me about birth... *shrugs*

I like it as is though, great images and thoughts CT

//Sy

thamior · 05-03-2006, 06:40 PM

i'll need to take another look at this later for some inspiration, I think I may be able to draw some. and im feeling none right now.

Cold Twilight · 05-04-2006, 12:54 PM

Syren...I see what you mean. lol. But I'm not likely to be the one to tweak it. lol. Thanks for the comments and encouragement!

Thamior---Go for it! Feeling none is no fun. I'm glad you think it can inspire you. Good luck

WisdomSeeker · 09-13-2006, 09:00 PM

"...voices from the past; a warning..."
"...will we perceive right from wrong..."
"...too few have learned the lesson..."
"...no remembrance to place the risk..."

When will we learn...us humans?
Heheh!

Yes...sounds like a human warfare
that you write about...
but not Armageddon...
that's a war of a different nature...

Nice write...rhythm's off at times
making portions difficult to read
and follow...but it's deep
and quite thought provoking.

I really enjoyed spending time
with this one...
Thanks for sharing!

Cold Twilight · 09-14-2006, 11:57 AM

Thanks Wisdom! I'm glad it was thought provoking. That was really the whole goal...sorry 'bout the rhythm, I have a tendency to break it up for emphasis at odd times.

Thanks again!

Nikatu · 11-08-2006, 11:27 AM

I wonder what I will get from this

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cold Twilight

Moonrise 'gainst a crimson sky...
What evils have we wrought here?
Tears in the fountain, unheeded; why?
Voices from the past; a warning...

Well, crimson sky can be related to several things... harvest time, haze caused by warfare, or sailor's delight. But you seem to emphasize that the crimson sky is evil in your next line, an evil that we (and you probably mean humans) have wrought... that rules out horror stories. Tears in the fountain is just like a drop in the bucket to me, millions of people are suffering and no one cares. And we are recieiving lessons from the past of which we are ignoring. So already I'm inclined to think "war, huh, good god y'all". But I am also thinking simply of human history and it's damnation to repeat itself. We are tearing the world apart by more than just war after all.

Quote:

Will we rise again, after so long,
We bearers of destruction?
Will we perceive right from wrong,
Is our morality unquestioned?

This one throws me off a little bit... you use the word destruction which certainly points me towards war but you also say "will we rise again". Now I'm wondering if your point isn't war, but armageddon. The end of the world caused by the violent nature of mankind. The last part of the stanza further confuses the fact but it seems to hint at the tale of Adam and Eve and I am now beginning to wonder if this entire poem has three levels. Mankind is violent and has destroyed itself, but they are reborn, and the whole world starts over again brand new and possibly perfect.

Quote:

Will we rise on our silver wings
And plot the course of future days?
Or do we listen to a sad spring that sings
Of sorrows learned not so long past...

Wah? Are you adding something new every stanza? Now are we all going to heaven, to "rise on our silver wings" or is this a hint toward scientific advancement. Ok, you destroyed the world in the first stanza, revive us in the second... but do we revive to heaven or do we begin to start building up the very technology that probably destroyed us again. And what about history? Are we prepared to ignore history once more (the "sad spring that sings/ Of sorrows learned not so long past")

Quote:

Sparkling water drops falling...
Sunlight's natural prism, turned red
Red against a wounded sky; calling...
Calling out that sad-learned warning.

And here is where you begin to solidify my ideas... you offer a very strong sense of foreboding here, we know what a red sky means (and you further tell us by saying "wounded sky") and so we know that it is sort of warning mankind to be careful again.

Quote:

Deadly precision, deathless, unyielding.
No Pheonix's fire this...not ever.
Grey sands of time unshielding;
Too few have learned the lesson.

(Check Sp of Phoenix)Yes, yes... there is no rebirth in this, no hope, this is simply war. Not enough people have learned from the past and so the end is here.

Quote:

Thoughts unformed, bits of mist,
No remembrance to place the risk.
Like knife blade 'cross yielding wrist,
Do we surrender to ill-fated choice?

Are we going to kill ourselves with war? Are we going to let ourselves be doomed...

Ok, so I don't think it is a poem about war. I think the poem is exactly about what you had titled it. Armageddon. This is a poem about the end of the world and is in my mind, very much like Robert Frost's famous end of days poem (except yours is much more complex). You address that you believe the world will end at the hands of mankinds capability of destruction (and you hint that technology is the root of such evils) but you don't only discuss war and say it will end the world. That is why I am convinced it is not about war and is rather about the end of days. You spend several stanzas addressing a possible second chance, rebirth, and new beginnings. But then you say mankind is doomed to repeat itself and so there is no hope and no end to the end of the world (which makes me wonder if you are trying to make a point that time is cylical). You do believe that war will end the world but your focus is the end of the world and what happens to cause it and what happens after it. This is a very complex poem and I think you have one great little piece here. Excellent work!

Cold Twilight · 07-13-2007, 02:56 AM

O.o Wow....

I'd say you'd got out of it almost everything I put into it. (except cyclical time. natch on that. lol

)

Thanks so very much for taking the time to analyze this!