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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 01-26-2006, 02:55 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 214
Spazola
High

Please lie to me,
just one more time.
Tell me you love me,
say that everything's fine.
Just one more lie,
to hold me over.
To keep me high,
far from being sober.
Like a drug,
your lies numb
the pain.
Hiding the truth,
helping me stay sane.
So please,
give me another hit.
I swear, just one more,
then I’ll be over it.

There was a time,
where I thought
it was true.
The love,
the friendship,
and my perspective
of you.
You weren’t numbing
the pain, you made it
disappear.
I was cought
in the bliss of love
through the year.
Then you turned,
and now the bliss
is gone.
As hard as I try,
there’s no way
to stay strong.
But now your lies
comfort me.
They blind me
from the truth
I don’t want to see.

So tell me now,
why do you lie?
It doesn’t comfort you,
or make you feel high.
Is it for my sake?
Could it be?
That a small part of you
holds the memory of me?
No, that couldn’t be,
no way, never.
You already said
that you don’t care about anyone,
remember?

So feed me these lies,
I’m begging you, please.
Tell me you love me,
with the force of
seven seas.
Tell me you’ll show me
new things when we meet.
As long as you lie,
I suffer no defeat.
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Old 01-26-2006, 07:16 PM   #2
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Liked the content, disliked the rhyming. I think possibly you labour your point a little, though a good one it is. Rather than generic relationship details in your second stanza I would prefer to find something of an anecdotal tune. Intricate specifics lend far more to the visual landscape of a poem than broad brushstrokes.
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