Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-25-2006, 09:25 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5
Jettie is on a distinguished road
Calamity

My lifeless body lay flat on the floor.
Stiff. But, I was breathing.
Lightly and gracefully,
my breaths were short and soft.
Stiff and gray.
They were colorless, as they left my parted lips.
Drained, I made mental excuses to not move at all.
And, I could feel your steps, as each vibration traveled through the wooden boards.
Kneeling now, with your kneecaps touching my face.
You leaned down, pulling your cheek close to my cheek.
“Are you okay?”
Voice was shaken, but concern was fake.
And this was how it always went.
You’d knock me out cold, and slam me into a wall,
then tend to my wounds, with band-aids and heart-shaped vows.
Jettie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2006, 07:18 AM   #2
Ink Slinger
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,916
J.R. MacLean is on a distinguished road
disturbing and sad. I like the way you write. cheers j.r.
J.R. MacLean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2006, 11:46 AM   #3
Addict
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 165
Starik
Jettie,
Nicely written. Evokes sadness, anger, and reminds me that some oxygen thieves are alive only because the law protects them. Among such pond scum in our gene pool I include women-beaters, child molesters and most politicians.

Write on!
Starik is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2006, 11:55 AM   #4
Kat
Best Seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: On the road-Honk if you see me!
Posts: 718
Kat is an unknown quantity at this point
Invokes emotion well. I would't use lifeless because it makes one think that you are actually dead
__________________
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. -Sarah Williams
Kat is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:54 PM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers