dannyboy

BOULDERS:


Brother Fogarty said when,
prideful, I proclaimed excellence
after a coup de tat
in an English exam,
that he would leap free
from the building, dive
headfirst into the open sewer
that adorned our terrible school
if I could repeat myself
come end of year examinations.

For weeks I was the centre,
every child whacking me,
wishing me well,
all longing to see
Brother Fogarty
take that infamous leap.

The pressure built
became a rock I could not carry
much like the boulders
we were forced to lug around
in the name of Physical Education.

The question remains:
Was it so wrong
to take pride in my work?
Was it so different
from the pride
that Christian man took
in undoing me?

MariusBonaparte

Good combination of storytelling with a balance of showing and telling I enjoyed immensely. Last line masterful. Beautiful work. Nuff said.

dannyboy

thank you as always - not sure about this myself. it may be too much a story but these years are pouring out and I'm just gunna get them all down and then make some decisions.

MariusBonaparte

Meh...
Your storytelling is effective. I say keep this as is...but hey, my advice is like a fly telling you potato salad is gold so, take it as you will bud. But at least I was enthralled

dannyboy

so now I write potato salads.... Thanks - its sure is a rich vein I've struck (for me anyways and I blame Skylor - but in a really good way!).