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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
01-21-2006, 11:34 AM
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#1
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,374
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That's Poison, You Know...
Maybe it is,
But what do you know?
Shaking your head
at the tottering, ramshackle
frame of my world.
Laugh all you want,
I saw the knives coming,
and now, as I learn to love
the sound of you walking away,
that beautiful, velvet
nothingness embraces me,
and I weep tears of scarlet
while my wall burns down.
When I wake, it will only
make me stranger.
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
" As they dragged him away, Kovacs spoke to the other inmates. He said 'None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me'
Last edited by slayerofangels : 01-27-2006 at 03:24 AM.
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01-23-2006, 06:58 AM
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#2
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Nth Co Dublin, Ireland
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,302
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It took me a few goes before I got any handle on this one.
The velvet nothingness is a place I have visited.
The scarlet tears are the sort of imagery that make you stop and think.
Enjoyed this one.
Lorlie
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01-23-2006, 09:19 AM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,374
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Thanks, its a perspective that I haven't used much before so I'm glad you enjoyed it.
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
" As they dragged him away, Kovacs spoke to the other inmates. He said 'None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me'
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01-23-2006, 04:38 PM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,916
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"as I learn to love the sound of you walking away"
like mastercard, that is priceless. sounds like another rueful poet enjoying some drug induced altered states... it ain't Kubla Khan, but it's a nifty little poem. cheers j.r.
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01-24-2006, 02:47 AM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,374
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Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
" As they dragged him away, Kovacs spoke to the other inmates. He said 'None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me'
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01-26-2006, 07:23 PM
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#6
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Is that an existential question?
Posts: 1,863
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poem
This was a nice piece of surrealistic steel wrapped in silk. It has that rough dream like feel to it. Like a whisper of regret in the darkness. Did you mean to shrink that very last line, or was it in error?
__________________
Old enough to know better, young enough to think I can still get away with it.
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01-27-2006, 03:23 AM
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#7
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,374
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It did that by itself... not sure why. I'll try to change it.
Glad you enjoyed it though. 
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
" As they dragged him away, Kovacs spoke to the other inmates. He said 'None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me'
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