kerpoe

first free-form poem I've written in quite awhile

America, you cannot hear
the miner's monody
denizen of Mother Nature's dolomite veins
silenced in the quiet hills
a song of blackened lungs, torn to loess
coughing madly in the choruses of picks and hammers
Oh how hard the proletariat works
till he dies a man in debt
12 miners lost
as eidolons underground
forgotten easily
a tombstone amongst unmarked graves
a lost footstep in the tarentella of life

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Psycho6058

Well done, nicely phrased. I don't know how it avoided comment. I wrote a couple pieces about this tragedy as well.http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=52190
and http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=52261

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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

Raging_Hopeful

"denizen of Mother Nature's dolomite veins"
I found this sentence a little heavily worded and didn't flow as nicely as the others.

Overall, I really liked this poem. You used evocative language and tone to illustrate this tragedy. Thank you and keep writing!

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Cain

Very nicely written. I found it had a nice sense of closure to it. Good Work,


Cain

kerpoe

thank you for the replies

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