Burnz

January Thaw



Anorexic snowmen sweat;
a noxious yellow fluid.
Embattled forts lay abandoned,
buttresses too weak for war.

Organic, odiferous, land mines
are revealed under the sun;
dotting the landscape
a cookie with twisted candy bits.

Children walk with sullen faces,
hating each plodding step toward school.
Icicles dangle from eaves,
wanton and tempting as any hooker.

Tree skeletons sway in the breeze,
stripped of their leaves and snow.
New rivers form,
washing grime into the streets.

I have to work quickly now,
the thaw has revealed too much.
I see them across the park,
talking and gesturing at my house.

I thumb off the safety,
the detective’s pock marks
look like craters in my crosshair.
I feel the cool steel of the trigger
as it caresses my finger,
urging me to take one last pull.

__________________
"It's none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way."
-Ernest Hemingway

www.scorpology.com
www.clevelandchatters.com My Hangout

Achilles

I feel like such a bad writer lately. I just finished reading vodka's latest, then gigi's, and then ejp's. And now this. I've got to get to writing, man.

I'm not going to critique this in-depth pretty much because I have absolutely nothing to suggest. Sorry if my comments have waned boring lately. This piece was captivating in all regards, and the words choice allowed some very ironic half-meaning to compliment your subject. Thanks for the read.

Achilles

__________________
The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

ms. vodka

also, i am captivated by this.

but smack me upside the head and call me stupid, just wtf is the ending about? what trigger and why?

enlighten me, baby.

vodka

Jimbob

Lets see...There's a body buried under the melting snow, right? But how is shooting the detective going to keep it concealed?

eleda

This was compelling to read. Excellent!

__________________
feel free to visit my new website
www.gram-of-truth.com is worth a pound of insight!

Burnz

achilles- thank you for you compliments. write even if you dont think it is good, it helps free your blocks.

ms. vodka-i'll enlighten you baby, the trigger is from the high powered rifle the serial killer is holding, weather affects people in adverse ways sometimes.

Jimbob-in his mind, wiping out the authorities before they get to him is a very plausible scenario

eleda-thank you for stopping to comment.

__________________
"It's none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way."
-Ernest Hemingway

www.scorpology.com
www.clevelandchatters.com My Hangout

J.R. MacLean

vintage Burnz

Burnz

jr-

thank you for the comment and for stopping in to read.

__________________
"It's none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way."
-Ernest Hemingway

www.scorpology.com
www.clevelandchatters.com My Hangout

Psycho6058

Burnz, nothing like a good "murder mystery" evocatively presented in verse.
Nicely done, it was captivating throughout.

__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

Burnz

psycho-Thank you for stopping and commenting. Like I have heard, the weird weather brings out the worst in folks. It has been unseasonably warm here this winter. I can see it's making a dent in some brainstems.

Mike

__________________
"It's none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way."
-Ernest Hemingway

www.scorpology.com
www.clevelandchatters.com My Hangout