Faith - Writers Forum

Raistlin · 12-12-2005, 03:17 PM

For centuries we look up into the sky
We find all our answers, but thus ends the why
The questioning is hated, our answers based on faith
Who are we to question? From this path thou shall not strafe

Thou shall not kill or spill the blood of another
Your faith has been lacking, come to me holy brother
Forgivness of sins is what they still seek
Upon whom they rest, their forgivness seems bleek

Will we ever understand or ever need more?
Or will we break ourselves first, living life as a chore?
Will a time ever come when we choose our own faith?
Who are we to question? From this path thou shall not strafe

CopyMaster · 01-05-2006, 07:51 PM

i like the faith aspect of your poem. seems to be a very current topic that you write on. i don't get your last word, though...strafe...perhaps you meant stray?

Jimbob · 01-05-2006, 10:49 PM

When you write a metered poem like this, you're looking for words that rhyme, but you don't want that to show. They need to make sense where you put them. When it becomes too obvious that words are placed just for the sake of rhyme, the rhyme is said to be forced.

There are several forced rhymes here, but the most egregious is the way "strafe" is used. It isn't just that it isn't quite right; it's completely wrong.
According to my dictionary "strafe" means to rake ground troops with machine-gun fire from an airplane.

Jimbob

CopyMaster · 01-06-2006, 07:51 PM

I know what you mean about forced rhymes. They make a poem sound cheesy and...well, forced. Poems should flow smoothly and naturally.

I thought that's what strafe meant as well. Interesting choice to end the poem with.

Thanks for the clarification.

Raistlin · 02-03-2006, 08:03 PM

Thanks for replying, actually I thought the word meant to wonder off or stray, but I after looking it up, that's definitaly not it's meaning, so thanks for the help. I also noticed the forced rhyming now that you mention it, and it's something that I now know to work on, so thank you.